Out-of-body experiences

Many writers of the fitness/health articles I edit are apparently instructing the readers to have OBEs.

Their articles are peppered with phrases such as "lay yourself down . . ."

I will collect these and include them in my next book, "Zen and the Art of Article Maintenance."

Post-tornado fitness workouts

Has your house been carried away by a tornado? Are you wondering how you can continue your at-home exercise routine? Not to worry.

Many of the online articles I edit have been written with just you, and other victims of Mother Nature's fury, in mind.

You see, the articles indicate that even without your now missing, beautiful floors, you can remain buffed. The exercise instructions include phrases such as "lie on the ground," "sit on the ground," and "kneel on the ground."

So go ahead, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and throw yourself right back down on the ground. At least you have your health.

A writer who no longer wants to contribute

From an article I'm editing: "Involvement in theater can attribute to future success for students."

Not everyone with whom I work hangs out with both Merriam and Webster.

Here's part of an email from one of my coworkers: "I have to leave early tomorrow. Sorry for the incontinence."

If Seinfeld's "Elaine" were around, she'd ask him, "Do you need a square?"