The wording!

In an ad for an editorial manager:

"Candidates should be versatile in various disease states."

This Craigslist post speaks for itself

I needed help writing a book (md)

i have writers block, and i believe that the reason is because i am not a writer, but i have a good, actually a few good ideas (stories) and i believe they are good, and the people that i have shared the stories with believe so too, my problem is that i can tell you the whole story with details, but when it comes down to writing it i just don't know where or how to begin, so here is the catch, i don't have much money, how about if we fill some paperwork before i share my stories, then i relate them to you, it will only take a couple of hours of your time, and if you (the expert) don't feel that they are not worth it, i will pay you for your time, but if you want to venture with me on this, then you will have 50% of whatever the book makes of it, name your hourly price and at the beginning of the interview i will show you the money, if you are interested, well you will get paid when the book sells, if you are looking to get paid along the way while we write the manuscript then don't reply to this ad

Hello, to all who have read and replied to my post, and thanks to those who have replied with suggestions and advices, I will not be deleting this ad, but many of You and Your advices have opened My eyes, so I will apologize and retract from my offer, it seems that I didn't know what I was asking when I asked for help, I will be taking the advices instead of the help that i have been offered, again, I apologized for using Your time

Non sequitur

"Steve Jobs Hated The New Apple TV UI, But Apple Changed It Anyway" (from the Cult of Mac website)

For Sale

Whoever posted this ad doesn't need a computer. He needs an English teacher:

"The Dell Inspiron E1505 notebook is a great condition. It already pre-installed Window 7 Home Premium Operating System. 1.73 Ghz Processor Speed, and Intel Core 2 of the Processor type. If you will be interested in adding upgrades memory, hard drive disk, etc then, you will be responsibilities paying on your own. I am highly recommend you need to be consider do choose a free Microsoft Essential Security download through website for free Anti-Virus Program."

Mother love

A Reddit poster wrote, "My Mom like's to paint rocks!"

Mom should also take a look at her kid's writing.

Breaking bread . . . and perhaps limbs

I've concluded that far too many writers who select articles about building dining room, kitchen, and other tables must not own any tables, and perhaps have never actually seen one. For example, on more than one occasion I've seen the direction to attach the legs but without any mention that they should be at or close to the corners, or at least placed in a way that stabilizes the table.

Pet peeve

When writers use "ground" rather than "floor." Maybe they live in dirt huts.

Featured: Bad Intro

"The iPhone 4 is a popular, fully-featured smartphone that features a number of features..."

Pulling no punches

One of my fellow article copy editors included the following note in a rewrite request to a wordy writer:

"If you're going to use that many words, make sure each one has a job to do."

Bravo.

In a nutshell

One of my fellow copy editors for Demand Media pretty much captures what it's like to edit bad writing:

"Today, I wish my job were to tell writers what's right about their articles, instead of what's wrong. Then I could just say 'Nothing,' and move on."

DIY projects rule

"Building your own barbecue can give you the look of a professionally made grill without the expense."

I'm there; I always wanted to look like a pro grill.

Unintended consequences

‎From a DIY article: "Adding stain to a wooden beam after distressing it with other materials can give you an old weathered look."

This is most likely not the result the homeowner is looking for.

"John Deere" makes my blacklist

For a while, I was selecting articles about JD products. Many of them were written by a woman who included the following note with each article: "the [yes, lowercase] second reference is my husband who is a service manager at a John Deere dealership with 15 years of experience. He gave me the additional information not found in the manuals."

He did not, however, give her guidance on run-on sentences and the basic rules of punctuation and capitalization. I tried in several notes to her included with my rewrite requests. Fail.

To paraphrase the Soup Nazi, "no more John Deere for you!"

From a Mr. Wordy article

"Some people may discover when they forget their combination that they cannot find where they stored the information sheet that came with the lock that had the combination on it."

That was painful, wasn't it.

Bad writers will be the death of me.

From an article on troubleshooting a refrigerator: ‎"if the ice maker is not fulfilling both of these responsibilities"

There's nothing worse than an irresponsible ice maker.

Tool Time

"Replace it by unscrewing it frmo it's harness using a screwdriver if it is broken."

This writer is broken, and I'd like to use a screwdriver to . . .

Simply. Can't. Deal. With. This. Now.

‎From an article on swimming pool maintenance: "Resolve even the smallest leak in your pool filter before it turns into a bigger leak. Leaks can indicate damaged parts; over time, and possibly very quickly, the damage becomes larger and, in turn, the leak becomes larger."

Maybe later when I might have the stomach for it.

Sentence du jour

‎"Lightweight rowers must be careful not to gain too much weight otherwise they will find themselves no longer illegible for lightweight competition."

And we all know how painful that can be.

Echo Writing

An article I edited contains: "It also has a veggie burger as a vegetarian option. It also has a veggie burger."

I'd suggest a piece of Wrigley Doublemint gum as a refreshing chaser after the burger.

Not a good sign

The first article I opened up to edit this morning begins with, ‎"Loosing weight around your stomach . . . " And so my Friday begins.