Job ad of the day

From Craigslist: "Gov't Contractor Needs Strong Writers Immediately (Reston, VA) . . . Qualified applicants will have 0-6 years of experience."

Zero years of experience represents "qualified." It's a race to the bottom.

Typical

Can you say "age discrimination":

All qualified applicants will receive consideration for employment without regard to race, color, religion, sex or national origin.

So if I were transsexual Hindu Inuit born in Belarus my chances would be much better than mine are.

Oh, c'mon

Why don't they just say they're looking to hire Superman or Wonder Woman.

More craziness from another job ad

"Overseeing the acquisition, ingesting, cataloging and archiving of digital media assets."

Feed me!

CHECK OUT THIS AD COPY!!!

Remember the Seinfeld episode where Elaine broke up with a guy because he didn't use exclamation points and then Mr. Lippman told her to remove all of the exclamation points she inserted into a manuscript written by that ex boyfriend? Mr. Lippman would not like this copy (including the bolding and capitalization) from a job ad I just saw:

PROFICIENT WRITER NEEDED!!

Must have own transportation to Work!!

IF YOU HAVE A PASSION FOR WRITING, THIS IS THE JOB FOR YOU!!!!

Please reply to this AD and attach you Resume!!

To a prospective employer

F**k you for doing this as part of the application process! This is part of an application for a freelance resume-writing gig. Guess who didn't apply.

More is better

"Finalists will be asked to complete an editing assignment at home and several timed copyediting tests during the interview process."

For a position in Arlington that I won't be applying for.

We are not machines

Imagination shows a distinct lack of imagination in titling their post on Media Bistro.

And f**k employers who do this, too

"Failure to complete all of the required fields may result in your application being disqualified from consideration. The information entered in the education and work experience sections are auto screened by the system based on the basic qualifications of the position."

The wording!

In an ad for an editorial manager:

"Candidates should be versatile in various disease states."

F**k you!

That's what I have to say to any prospective employer who does this:

"Resumes without specified salary requirements will not be considered."

Or this, along with a rejection:

"We would like to keep your information in our database for future consideration."

And especially this in the rejection:

"We have found another candidate whom we feel is the best fit for this position." 

A rose by any other name

I hate ads like this one:

Oh, aren't they so hip!

Editors AKA Writers

The increasing number of proposal editor positions that also include writing proposal is very disturbing. Every place that I've worked on proposals -- FT and freelance -- had writers and editors.

Wash. Post editorial jobs for May 1

There are 78 jobs; of those, 15 are for interns and 8 for volunteers. The latter effectively reduces the market by 30%.

"Give us your tired, your poor, your hungry, your huddled masses yearning to work for free or for a pittance.”

Lost in Translation

Enlgish/Japanese Translation Project (Washington, D.C.)

Seriously, this is under "Writing/Editing" on DC Craigslist

Wanted: Trophy Wife. . .

I am looking to fill an immediate opening in my home, as soon as possible. The position will be demanding, but the perks of the job will absolutely outweigh the stresses of the day. Any applicants must be willing to perform a few simple day to day tasks. . .

First is to wake up every day in my arms. And even after we wake to lay there and enjoy that feeling of love and happiness. Before the kids bust through the doors, before the stress of the day even has a chance to make an appearance. . . just lay. After I am able to tear myself from your arms, you have an option: either enjoy a fine cup of loose leaf tea in bed, or by the fireplace. After. . . you make it through the tea, we get the kids ready for school, as a team. Pack lunches and snacks, get them dressed, breakfast as a family, and then off to catch the bus. At this point, I'll be off for the day for another day at the office. . . but I will never rush off without holding you in my arms as if it were the last time. . . and just when I am about to let go, hold you for a little longer.

At this point in the day, you have some flexibility. . . you could spend some time catching up on the book you are trying to finish. Or head straight to the gym, in the brand new company car (our your choosing of course). This may include, but is certainly not limited to, any number of Zumba/Yoga/Crossfit/etc classes desired. All membership fees and workout clothes will be included as part of your compensation package. After the gym, please make full use of the whirlpool tub to relax. Or, if you don't feel like the gym that day, head straight to the mall for some shopping or a pedicure or to get you hair done. . . all on the company credit card.

I hope your work environment will be suitable, as you will have your own corner office, with which you can fully focus on your writing career. Whether you are tinkering with a new concept, or putting the finishing touches on another masterpiece, this will be an ideal space with which to focus.

In the afternoon, you will have to pickup my son from preschool and perform an extremely important task. Have fun. Play in the playroom, take him to the park, play on the swing set, watch a movie with him. . . But be sure to save some of that energy for when my daughter gets off the bus. . .. And then the fun just continues. . . until I return home from the office. At this point I expect to be fully bombarded by my kids. . . dual hug style, knocking me to the floor, hands still full from just coming in the door. Once I regain my composure though, please be ready, because 8 hours of not being able to be by your side will be unbearable and my only thought in that moment will be to kiss you like it was our first and last kiss.

We'll take turns cooking dinner. . . and often will prepare the meal together. We'll eat as a family and listen to each other tell the stories of their days. After dinner, we'll spend time with the kids together. Playing board games, doing homework, practicing instruments, singing songs, doing artwork, reading stories, going for bike rides. . .. After getting the kids off to bed, please be prepared to receive a massage by the fireplace, while the stresses and noises of the day go quiet.

Other perks, in no particular order: surprise picnics, weekend getaways, nights out for movies/dinners/concerts/etc, my singing you songs and leaving you notes, unbounded support for you writing career, boots. . . lots and and lots of boots. . . A true partner, in every sense of the word. . . in life, parenthood, friendship, and love. Finally, it will be my job to create a life with you. . . completely and utterly consumed by both passion and love.

---------------

A fellow editor's reaction: "2 composition score for excessive use of ellipsis along with batshit craziness."

A "contact" job for a contact sport?

World Wrestling Entertainment is seeking an Editor-in-Chief.

Among the required skills is: "Knowledge of the structure and contact of the English language including the meaning and spelling of words, rules of composition, and grammar."

Huh?

I see what you're doing here

The American Institutes for Research has an ad on Craigslist for a test development assistant.

At the bottom of the ad, AIR writes, "Email applications will not be considered." But then the ad instructs the reader to visit its website, search on the job title, and apply through the website (read: via email).

Obviously, "Email applications will not be considered" means via the "Reply to" link at the top of the ad—the common practice for most CL posts.

Maybe the apparent dead end is a way to separate the potential wheat from the (clueless) chaff.

Nut jobs need not apply

One of the requirements listed under an editor ad on Craigslist:

"Looking for stable, responsible, drama-free person."

Many people think that editors are nuts. I guess the company in question recently had one such wacko.