My new cover letter

To Whom It May Concern:

I am very interested in the unpaid editorial intern position for which you are currently recruiting on every job board in the DC area.

I’d like to summarize my experience as a professional editor. I believe this will convince you that my skill set and background make me a perfect candidate for an internship — that is, to start all over again so to speak.

I have worked in the editorial field for 30 years and have held every position from proofreader to managing editor. I’ve worked in the public and private sectors, edited book manuscripts, and done online editing via a content management system.

My knowledge of editorial styles includes, AP, Chicago, GPO, and Harvard Law School’s Blue Book.

You might wonder why someone with my experience seeks an intern position. Allow me to answer that question.

As stated above, I entered the editing field three decades ago, at a time when editing was a valued profession that had very high standards. Since that time, the editing field has taken a 180-degree turn. The opportunity to work as an intern would afford me the opportunity to “retrain” myself to the current devalued role of the editor and specifically to the current, acceptably low level of editorial standards.

I should emphasize that I am more than willing to take as many screening tests as you’d like to administer and, if hired, there is no limit to how many hours I can work (including evenings and weekends). I am also willing to carry out any assigned task, no matter how menial.

I believe the attached resume, which contains a summary of my entire editing career, does not merit your review in light of the fact that you have so many applicants to screen.

Thanks in advance for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Diminishing returns

When I entered the editing profession 30 years ago, I never imagined that it is one (the only one?) that actually devalues extensive experience. Have you ever seen a job ad that included "20-30 years of experience required"?

That plus being 68 years old means that my professional work life is effectively over.

I wish I lived in a country where seniors and experienced people are valued.

"Good Cleaner Needed !!"

[I'm so glad I placed a post on Craigslist re looking for editing work.]

Hello,

I am in urgent need of a neat and organised cleaner that can help in cleaning my 3 bedroom house, the applicant must be 18 years and older , i will be paying $400 weekly and the house is located within the city, you will be cleaning for 2- 3 hours through the week.. i will like to hear back from you asap if you are interested.

Thanks.

Seriously, this is under "Writing/Editing" on DC Craigslist

Wanted: Trophy Wife. . .

I am looking to fill an immediate opening in my home, as soon as possible. The position will be demanding, but the perks of the job will absolutely outweigh the stresses of the day. Any applicants must be willing to perform a few simple day to day tasks. . .

First is to wake up every day in my arms. And even after we wake to lay there and enjoy that feeling of love and happiness. Before the kids bust through the doors, before the stress of the day even has a chance to make an appearance. . . just lay. After I am able to tear myself from your arms, you have an option: either enjoy a fine cup of loose leaf tea in bed, or by the fireplace. After. . . you make it through the tea, we get the kids ready for school, as a team. Pack lunches and snacks, get them dressed, breakfast as a family, and then off to catch the bus. At this point, I'll be off for the day for another day at the office. . . but I will never rush off without holding you in my arms as if it were the last time. . . and just when I am about to let go, hold you for a little longer.

At this point in the day, you have some flexibility. . . you could spend some time catching up on the book you are trying to finish. Or head straight to the gym, in the brand new company car (our your choosing of course). This may include, but is certainly not limited to, any number of Zumba/Yoga/Crossfit/etc classes desired. All membership fees and workout clothes will be included as part of your compensation package. After the gym, please make full use of the whirlpool tub to relax. Or, if you don't feel like the gym that day, head straight to the mall for some shopping or a pedicure or to get you hair done. . . all on the company credit card.

I hope your work environment will be suitable, as you will have your own corner office, with which you can fully focus on your writing career. Whether you are tinkering with a new concept, or putting the finishing touches on another masterpiece, this will be an ideal space with which to focus.

In the afternoon, you will have to pickup my son from preschool and perform an extremely important task. Have fun. Play in the playroom, take him to the park, play on the swing set, watch a movie with him. . . But be sure to save some of that energy for when my daughter gets off the bus. . .. And then the fun just continues. . . until I return home from the office. At this point I expect to be fully bombarded by my kids. . . dual hug style, knocking me to the floor, hands still full from just coming in the door. Once I regain my composure though, please be ready, because 8 hours of not being able to be by your side will be unbearable and my only thought in that moment will be to kiss you like it was our first and last kiss.

We'll take turns cooking dinner. . . and often will prepare the meal together. We'll eat as a family and listen to each other tell the stories of their days. After dinner, we'll spend time with the kids together. Playing board games, doing homework, practicing instruments, singing songs, doing artwork, reading stories, going for bike rides. . .. After getting the kids off to bed, please be prepared to receive a massage by the fireplace, while the stresses and noises of the day go quiet.

Other perks, in no particular order: surprise picnics, weekend getaways, nights out for movies/dinners/concerts/etc, my singing you songs and leaving you notes, unbounded support for you writing career, boots. . . lots and and lots of boots. . . A true partner, in every sense of the word. . . in life, parenthood, friendship, and love. Finally, it will be my job to create a life with you. . . completely and utterly consumed by both passion and love.

---------------

A fellow editor's reaction: "2 composition score for excessive use of ellipsis along with batshit craziness."

The never-ending testing of our skills

Regardless of how much experience an editor has, he will usually be required to take an editing test when applying for a job. It's insulting, among other things, in that it effectively dismisses all previous experience.

And what's even worse than being tested is being tested twice.

I sent an email to BARE Intl., a company for which I did some freelance editing in the past. BARE sends out mystery shoppers for its clients, and the shoppers submit reports that are edited before submission to client companies.

Here's part of the response I received:

My records indicate that you have not edited for BARE since January 2010. Based on that fact, I would be happy to process your request to be re-instated as a freelance editor to take on editing assignments (when the next one becomes available), but I would need the following documentation from you first:

1) a copy of your most recent resume [Apparently the resume that BARE has that summarizes 27 years of editing experience won't suffice.]
2) a completed skills demonstration test [I already passed the test.]
3) a signed Independent Contractor Agreement [BARE has my signed agreement on hand.]

I have many lines in the sand that I will never cross. Double-testing is one of them.

Racing to the bottom: $12.50/hour

From JournalismJobs.com:

Journatic is a news content provider that provides editorial services to some of the most respected news organizations in the world. We are looking to immediately fill the position of 'Project Manager' for our news briefs. This is full-time, remote position. The pay is $26,000/yr., no benefits.

Consider applying if you:

-Can think creatively to find solutions [If so, there's no way you'd apply for this position.]

-Understand quality assurance [QA isn't achieved at entry-level compensation.]

-Can measure and report Journatic performance to management [As if management would care; the company's pay structure is a barometer of that.]

-Can recognize and speak up about issues as they arise [How about we start with how you're exploiters.]

-Can manage numerous data/content projects in varied locations simultaneously [Sure. Why not! Someone will end up performing management magic on slave wages.]

If qualified [you'd be an idiot to apply to these greedy bastards] and interested:

1) Send your resume to jobs (at) journatic (dot) com

2) Include the words "Briefs Project Manager" and the number 138829 in the email subject header

3) Explain in one paragraph the answer to the following question: "If you could have dinner with one famous American, past or present, who would it be and why?" [A better question would be, How can you bastards sleep at night?]

Editing is life; life is editing.

An editor friend of mine is a half glass full, make lemonade out of lemons kind of person. I'm the opposite; perhaps that's why we get along so well-- you know, opposites attract.

I was bemoaning the fact that a proposal I'm editing is absolutely brutal. I told her it's like the worst nonfiction MS you can imagine that has been accepted by an acquisition/development editor who cares only about meeting a quota and not a wit about what Acquisitions traditionally has done.

She said that it sounds like what we try to with each project: making the best of a bad situation. (For two and a half years, I was a colleague of hers, as a freelance editor where she still works as a freelancer -- at a nonfiction publisher in NOVA. So we've both seen our fair share of MS's that never should have been accepted and/or turned over to Editorial.)

After this recent conversation with her -- a variation on the same theme we've kicked around ad nauseum -- it occurred to me that, indeed, editing does imitate life, and vice versa. Our profession would make for an interesting career day, n'est-ce pas?

One of My Kindred Spirits

As I have extensively described on this blog, in far too many situations editors are treated as personae non gratae.

Many years ago I worked with another editor, a woman who became and remains my friend. We often commiserated over the plight of the poor, poor, plum pitiful editor.

I can't remember which one of us came up with our "editor names"—Flotsam and Jetsam.

To this day, we occasionally call each other Flo and Jet. We are, after all, still working as editors.

Editing and trash collection have more in common than most people realize.

Wanted: Editorial Assistant Slave

This ad from Craigslist takes the notion that editing is undervalued to the extreme:

Duties include:
• Research, develop, fact-check, write, and edit content for web, email, print, and broadcast in accordance with the style guide and editorial policy.
• Work with SEO team to optimize web content for search.
• Coordinate administration of work commissioned to freelancers or licensed from other sources.
• Fact-check and proofread freelance copy and user submissions.
• Obtain rights to use materials from other publications.
• Reply to correspondence from users, viewers, and contributors.
• Daily news gathering and maintenance of newswire.
• Social media postings and community moderation.
• Use a content management system to post new content.

To Hell and Back in 24 Hours

Received manuscript to edit.

First-time author.

Rife with problems. Unpublishable in my opinion.

Extreme angst. What to do?

Many emails and phone calls with publisher and managing editor.

Convinced them to hold or kill it.

Euphoria.

Managing editor: "I'll send you a 'pretty' manuscript."

Received it. It's ugly.

Nearly 2,000 end notes to deal with, among other issues.

Locked balcony door. Ten floors to ground level.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Part II

Yesterday I completed my edit of a particularly difficult manuscript (see 5/26 entry).

It pretty much took all the editing out of me, and I have struggled today to do any online article editing—my second gig along with book editing.

I believe I am suffering from a condition that the American Psychiatric Association needs to include in its DSM: PTESD, or Post-Traumatic-Editing Stress Disorder.

Everything you always wanted to know about being an editor, but were afraid to ask

This email exchange with my managing editor pretty much sums it all up:

ME to me: I meant to mention to you that Yada Yada would like to include the extra information (and credit you) that you added as an "FYI" to him in note 83 of chapter 10 of Blah Blah Blah (about the whatchamacallit being used in Ringydingy in the 1970s). Is this OK with you?

Me to ME: That credit belongs to Whats Hisname.

Whats Hisname, an editorial consultant who occasionally eyeballs manuscripts, added one sentence to the book. I made well over a thousand edits, many of them substantive.

I will receive no credit or thanks of any kind from the author (nor will the layout person who transforms the Word docs into a publishable PDF file in InDesign), and certainly no mention in the book's Acknowledgments section. That little perk always goes to the acquisitions editor who brought the manuscript in and then, with virtually no review, turned it over to Editorial. Every time I read that section of a manuscript and see that acknowledgment, I want to scream.

Life Editing Imitates Art

Often, far too often, editing can drive you a little nuts—and every once in a while, totally batshit crazy!

There are, quite literally, hundreds of ways that this profession can be hazardous to your mental health. Count me among the many editors who would place authors, for what they do (sins of commission) and/or don't do (sins of omission), squarely at the top of the list. Next on the list would be a very distant second indeed.

An editor friend made reference to the classic 1944 film "Gaslight" to describe his current editing project. This is probably the best metaphor I've ever heard for what editing can, on those TBC occasions, feel like.


Here is what "Paula" (Ingrid Bergman) says to her husband, "Gregory" (Charles Boyer) after he gets busted. It perfectly mirrors what many editors feel with regard to some of our authors:

"If I were not mad, I could have helped you. Whatever you had done, I could have pitied and protected you. But because I am mad, I hate you. Because I am mad, I have betrayed you. And because I'm mad, I'm rejoicing in my heart, without a shred of pity, without a shred of regret, watching you go with glory in my heart!"

Occupational Hazard

I have several fellow editors―my kindred spirits―with whom I share my editing experiences. They do the same, and some days seem to be primarily comprised of a nonstop flow of emails among us.

Many of our messages deal with the trivia and esoterica of editing style and such. But most of those emails reflect our reactions to what we're working on and the negative emotions (for example, disbelief, anger, frustration, disappointment) resulting from our work.

This image should be part of our email signatures:

My Own Private Guantánamo

When an author submits a manuscript to a publisher, he is supposed to adhere to the publisher's submission guidelines.

For example, one area of those guidelines pertains to chapter notes. My publisher requests that all chapter notes be compiled in a separate file (which is placed at the end of the book), and thus the number signals in the text would not link directly to their respective notes. (Linking means that, during the editing process, when you place your cursor over the number, the note text pops up. This enables the editor to see if the note matches the respective text and can only work if there are footnotes.)

The manuscript I'm working on has footnotes and, therefore, linked numbers in the text. I can only guess why the acquisition editor in this case accepted the manuscript as submitted, in blatant violation of the guidelines. Most likely, it is related to the intense pressure that traditional publishers (and acquisition editors) are under as they compete with the emerging digital publishing industry.

What I do know, however, is that the mechanics involved (and the time required) to transform more than 600 footnotes with linked numbers into a new file, and replace linked numbers in the text with unlinked numbers are sheer editorial hell. I will spare you the details.

Today will be devoted to completing that task. What comes to mind is how we used to blast rock music as part of PsyOps torture of prisoners at Guantánamo Bay and military prisons in Afghanistan and Iraq.

Uh oh, here comes the warden, and I think he's about to crank it up.

What's good enough for George Costanza might be good enough for me!

I think going to church might be a better way to spend Sunday morning than editing.

Lazy Author Syndrome

I'm working on a manuscript that has 948 endnotes (68 pages long).

There is not a single note that contains the full reference for a work, that is, first and last name of author, complete title of the work, location and name of publisher, date of publication―all of which are included in the bibliography―and page numbers.

So I have to laboriously go back and forth between the notes and bibliography files to copy and paste the missing information.

This is yet another example of a manuscript that the acquisition editor should have returned to the author, for him to complete the notes in order to provide an acceptable piece of work.

When I ran this information past my managing editor, he referred to this author as one who suffers from Lazy Author Syndrome. I told him that we should refer to these authors as Lassies.

The Undeserving

Every time I read a thank-you "to my [Acquisitions] editor" in the Acknowledgments section of a book I'm editing, I want to scream.

The acquisitions editors bring in the work (quantity); we copy editors bring it up to publishing standards (quality).

Publishers should have a policy, written into their contracts with authors, stating that in the layout stage of a manuscript they will insert a standard shout-out for the copy editor and proofreader.

In sicness [sic] and in health

One of my fellow editors asked for my opinion the other day related to "[sic]." I've got her back, she's got mine.

V: Quoted material in MS: "Despite any efforts put into the surge, the first six months of 2007 was still. . ." Would you insert [sic] after "was"?

ME: Either that or just fix it without the sic, to not draw attention to it. Of course I couldn't find this in CM [Chicago Manual of Style], but aren't we allowed to simply fix errors of this kind?

V: So I should change the "was" to "were" and leave it at that? Suppose that would work.

ME: It works for me. Who's going to object?