Sunday, July 25, 2010

Body language

The "How To" articles I edit online often have a "Things You'll Need" section, which on occasion include the obvious. From today's How To's:

"Techniques To Improve Posture"
Things You'll Need:
Your body
A chair
A package to lift
A wall to stand against

The writer proceeded to ignore "a period" for the Things You'll Need to end the ensuing ten or so sentences.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Truly taking guidelines to heart

One of the writing guidelines for some of the articles that I edit online is, "Write articles in second person to pull the reader into the piece."

The writer of the following obviously was consumed by the spirit, if not the letter, of that guideline:

"The second kick waits until you you’re your arms back to your sides."

When Words Fail

Comcast had an image problem. So the company rebranded itself with a new name: XFINITY.

That fooled no one. Time for Plan B.

Current thrust of advertising: "Guaranteed rate for two years." And, as we all know, that means you're locked into a two-year contract, with a steep penalty if you cancel.

When you're part of a monopolistic industry, you don't need to do much better than the preceding. Not that it would make anyone feel better, or create goodwill, but somebody up there should at least make a credible effort.

Fat and lazy.

The Elusive Break

I decided to take a break from manually renumbering close to 2,000 endnotes in the manuscript I'm editing. I went online to some article copy editing. This is part of the first article I selected:

"Step 7

"Calculate the body density of your subject, in grams per cubic centimeter, using the following formula for females: 1.096095 – (0.0006952 × sum of skinfolds) + (0.0000011 × sum of skinfolds squared) – (0.0000714 × age). Continuing with the example from above, assuming the subject is 25 years old, her body density is 1.096095 – (0.0006952 × 110) + (0.0000011 × 12100) – (0.0000714 × 25), or 1.031148 g per cc. Use a slightly different formula for male subjects: 1.112 – (0.00043499 × sum of skinfolds) + (0.00000055 × sum of skinfolds) – (0.00028826 × age)."

Can't win for losing.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

I'll pass on this one, thank you.

(On the copy editor forum on the website through which I do my online article editing, there are many funny running threads regarding titles not chosen to edit, often referred to as "10-foot-pole" titles. All articles have "Tips" and "Warnings" sections.)

One of my posts to the CE forum today:

It's not strictly a 10-foot-poler, but I'll stay clear of "How to Lose the Buttocks with Butt Exercises." I fear the article does not include Tips on how to retrieve your lost buttocks or a Warning about the dangers of life without them.

Corporate Slogans with an Attitude

Rest assured, dear shareholders, the government, taxpayers, and everyone else can go to Hell.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Hating Word and Endnotes, cont'd

I was editing above these, and when I scrolled down I found this. F**kin Word decided it wanted to renumber itself.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Haiku: The Dyslexic Day Laborer

He rarely gets picked
Because his sign makes no sense
He "Will Fork for Wood"

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Today's 10-ft.-pole title

There is a copy editor forum on the website where I do my online article editing. The CEs regularly post titles that appear in their queues that they will not, for a variety of reasons, select to work on.

Our reasons for passing on titles include no familiarity with the topic, a title that contains a question that doesn't appear to be answerable, a particularly vague title, or titles that cause the little man inside to scream, "No way. Stay away from this one."

I just passed on this one: "How to Lose Weight While You Sleep With Vinegar"

Some other copy editor can pick that one and perhaps explore the depraved world of Vinegar's Weight Loss Emporium & Pleasure Palace.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Sheer brilliance

Whoever wrote this catalog copy for the book I'm editing deserves very special recognition:

"By having the principal actors speak for themselves, Yada Yada provides a unique critique of the Blah Blah administration."

Why brilliant? Because "having the principal actors speak for themselves" and "a unique critique" are exceptionally creative euphemisms to describe the fact that the author wrote a mere 3 percent of the book. The remaining 416 pages comprise quotations.

A BP editor's journal excerpt

I caught misspelling
Looked up word and made edit
I then forgot it

A rose price by any other name

Spammers—what a clever lot. Their software developers and programmers continue to figure out ways to penetrate our email defenses. To wit:

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

To Hell and Back in 24 Hours

Received manuscript to edit.

First-time author.

Rife with problems. Unpublishable in my opinion.

Extreme angst. What to do?

Many emails and phone calls with publisher and managing editor.

Convinced them to hold or kill it.

Euphoria.

Managing editor: "I'll send you a 'pretty' manuscript."

Received it. It's ugly.

Nearly 2,000 end notes to deal with, among other issues.

Locked balcony door. Ten floors to ground level.

Headline Fail

"How Will Mel Gibson's Latest Rants Affect Jodie Foster's Beaver?"

The real question is how did that get through copy editing. But given that it's from E! Online, it was doubtless deliberate. Shame on them.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Ibidiot

I don't know if this is a hard-and-fast style rule (and I can't find it in any style manual), but I seem to recall that you shouldn't use ibid. more than five consecutive times in notes.

When an author strings together more than that, he's an ibidimwit and ibidumbskull who might suffer from ibidementia. Editing his notes ib nauseum lulls me into a feeling of ibidumdeedum.

Monday, July 5, 2010

A "How To" not for the faint of brainpower

From a "How To" article I edited on calculating weight loss during exercise: "This calculation will also require you to know your age in years and your gender."

I'm going to go out on a limb here, and assert that anyone sentient enough to even consider their weight would not ask "How old am I?" or " Am I a man or a women?"