Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Don't tread on me

Here's an article title that popped up in my online editing queue that never should have seen the light of day: "How Fast & Long Should I Walk Without a Treadmill?"

I'd proffer that it depends on whether the treadmill will feel (1) slighted if its pace can't keep up, and (2) lonely and abandoned as you disappear into the distance.

Out-of-body experiences

Many writers of the fitness/health articles I edit are apparently instructing the readers to have OBEs.

Their articles are peppered with phrases such as "lay yourself down . . ."

I will collect these and include them in my next book, "Zen and the Art of Article Maintenance."

Post-tornado fitness workouts

Has your house been carried away by a tornado? Are you wondering how you can continue your at-home exercise routine? Not to worry.

Many of the online articles I edit have been written with just you, and other victims of Mother Nature's fury, in mind.

You see, the articles indicate that even without your now missing, beautiful floors, you can remain buffed. The exercise instructions include phrases such as "lie on the ground," "sit on the ground," and "kneel on the ground."

So go ahead, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and throw yourself right back down on the ground. At least you have your health.

Monday, August 30, 2010

"Do your magic!"

I used to work for a managing editor who would end all of his requests for rush editing jobs with that statement.

Given that I always managed to come through for him, I suppose it's possible that he viewed me as something more than a mere mortal. Probably not.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

One of My Kindred Spirits

As I have extensively described on this blog, in far too many situations editors are treated as personae non gratae.

Many years ago I worked with another editor, a woman who became and remains my friend. We often commiserated over the plight of the poor, poor, plum pitiful editor.

I can't remember which one of us came up with our "editor names"—Flotsam and Jetsam.

To this day, we occasionally call each other Flo and Jet. We are, after all, still working as editors.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Eeny, Meeny, Miny, and Moe

New Inductees: Hall of Shame, Article Title Division

"Detoxing Diet Books": Who knew! These books are contaminated.

"How to Stop Smoking Online": Simple. Turn off the computer.

"Questions for a Doctor in Child Delivery": I don't think she'd want to be disturbed.

"How to Go Back to School with a Family": Just ask. I'm sure they'd be glad to have you come with.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose

The company for which I do online article editing has taken what was previously an active, stimulating and helpful copy editor forum and redesigned it into a maze of sub-sites, rendering them user hostile and essentially now worthless. Very few folks are posting.

So a group of copy editors started a private Facebook group and invited me to join. I had previously cut loose from the data-mining FB bastards. However, since interaction with my fellow copy editors is essentially no longer available on the company website, I reluctantly decided to accept.

I logged into the group and wrote a short greeting. When I hit the "send" button, I was confronted with a pop-up that asked me to verify my account by providing either my mobile phone number or credit card information.

I notified the editor who invited me that there's no way I would provide FB with that information. This is new since I last used FB. I guess FB, despite its statements to the contrary, continues to not give a shit about privacy.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Queen is Dead, Long Live the Queen.

I just edited an article on a honey bee secretion called royal jelly.

In every instance where she appeared, the queen bee was referred to as the Queen Bea.

Perhaps the writer is a fan of Maude and The Golden Girls.

Friday, August 20, 2010

It'll take something special to top this one.

This article title is by far the worst one I've seen since I started my online article work: "Long Term Effects of Sleeping with Children"

Whatever process is used to generate titles must do better than this. First, it's obvious how the title could be read. Second, it's the children who are sleeping with the parent(s), not the other way around.

That wording reflects extraordinary stupidity, insensitivity, and a serious blind spot.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

George Orwell never tires of dancing in his grace.

When I do my online article editing, one of my tasks is to ensure that articles fall within specific word count ranges.

In Firefox, I use the "Word Count Plus" extension for that purpose. I thought I'd try doing some editing work in Google's Chrome browser, so I looked for a similar extension designed for Chrome. I found one, but there's no way I'd consider installing it.

The distance from Google's once "do no evil" philosophy to this is inestimable:



I'll give Google this: At least it's now up-front about its data mining.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Something smells fishy.

Tonight's winning article title: "How to Lose Weight and Scales"

We all know how annoying those scales can be.

The "Butterfly Effect" article title of the day

"How To Not Gain Weight When a Person Stops Smoking"

Given the number of smokers who quit every day, I'd say that weight gain is unavoidable.

Editing and trash collection have more in common than most people realize.

Wanted: Editorial Assistant Slave

This ad from Craigslist takes the notion that editing is undervalued to the extreme:

Duties include:
• Research, develop, fact-check, write, and edit content for web, email, print, and broadcast in accordance with the style guide and editorial policy.
• Work with SEO team to optimize web content for search.
• Coordinate administration of work commissioned to freelancers or licensed from other sources.
• Fact-check and proofread freelance copy and user submissions.
• Obtain rights to use materials from other publications.
• Reply to correspondence from users, viewers, and contributors.
• Daily news gathering and maintenance of newswire.
• Social media postings and community moderation.
• Use a content management system to post new content.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

It's not over until this one sings.

A singularly deficient title from my online editing queue: "Exercises for Fat Woman"

High Oy Vey Factor

From an article I just edited: "Standup straight and steady your self."

I do need to steady myself, but I think I best remain seated.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

10-Foot-Pole Title of the Day

From my online article editing queue: "What does it take to be a mother?"

In addition to what might be considered the obvious, the possibilities are endless. I suspect the article is an extremely condensed version of "Motherhood for Dummies."

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Hating CMS, cont'd

Once again, the Chicago Manual of Style (15th edition, rule 9.10) is a tad less than definitive, this time on the treatment of very large numbers.

"A figure of 4.5 billion years is often given as the age of the solar system.
They were speaking in the order of 25 billion (or twenty-five billion)."

Virginia, more than a state of mind

I'm editing yet another book that places the Pentagon, in describing the events of 9/11, in Washington, D.C. For those of you who don't know, there's something called the Potomac River between DC and the Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Ask Mr. Science

"Is there a difference between walking and standing still?"

"No."

From "Walking Games for Kids," an article I just edited:

"I Spy is a game for two or more people, and ideal for an adult-child outing because it involves no physical activity."

The next time someone tells me that I should walk a mile in his shoes, I'll say, "No problem. How about two?"