Tuesday, November 23, 2010

An article title path not taken

"Thousands of Red Bumps on Legs": IMHO, anyone who actually continues to count beyond several hundred might also seek treatment for OCD.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Sentence du jour

‎"Lightweight rowers must be careful not to gain too much weight otherwise they will find themselves no longer illegible for lightweight competition."

And we all know how painful that can be.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

A year and a half of online article editing

From ratting out a coworker (5/13/09, How to Report an Employee Not Keeping His Office Clean) to keeping high blood pressure, etc., at bay (10/20/10, Sodium in Sunflower Seeds), in the words of the Grateful Dead, "Lately it occurs to me what a long, strange trip it's been."

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Editing is life; life is editing.

An editor friend of mine is a half glass full, make lemonade out of lemons kind of person. I'm the opposite; perhaps that's why we get along so well-- you know, opposites attract.

I was bemoaning the fact that a proposal I'm editing is absolutely brutal. I told her it's like the worst nonfiction MS you can imagine that has been accepted by an acquisition/development editor who cares only about meeting a quota and not a wit about what Acquisitions traditionally has done.

She said that it sounds like what we try to with each project: making the best of a bad situation. (For two and a half years, I was a colleague of hers, as a freelance editor where she still works as a freelancer -- at a nonfiction publisher in NOVA. So we've both seen our fair share of MS's that never should have been accepted and/or turned over to Editorial.)

After this recent conversation with her -- a variation on the same theme we've kicked around ad nauseum -- it occurred to me that, indeed, editing does imitate life, and vice versa. Our profession would make for an interesting career day, n'est-ce pas?

Thursday, October 7, 2010

From a writer bio

Now this is the kind of credential I like to see in the writers I edit: "xxxx has been telecommuting and freelancing since 1994."

We all know that telecommuting is one the most highly prized and widely respected feathers in the caps of the best writers of our time.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Millions of words

I was curious about the number of words I've edited in my online article editing job. Here are the numbers:

I've edited 5,560 articles @ 450 words/per (assuming that average) = 2,502,000 words. To put that number in perspective, it is about three times the number of words written by Shakespeare (884,646, according to the "Folger Shakespeare Library").

In scanning some of the Bard's quotations, I found one which could apply to the untold number of god-awful articles that are returned to the writers for a rewrite: "We cannot conceive of matter being formed of nothing, since things require a seed to start from... Therefore there is not anything which returns to nothing, but all things return dissolved into their elements."

Monday, October 4, 2010

When I first became aware of the editing profession

It was around 1973. I was working at Planned Parenthood HQ in NYC.

On the elevator ride up to my office one morning, there were two guys having an esoteric discussion about the use of a particular word, or it might have been about using one word vs. another. I thought to myself something like: Imagine that, having an entire discussion about a word. These guys must be editors, and this is what they do for a living.

That was the first time I even thought about editing and editors. And here I am 37 years later and into my 27th year of editing.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Forest for the trees

I just edited an article by a writer who is unable to discriminate.

He followed the rule relating to spelling out numbers below 10 to a ridiculous and infuriating (for me) extreme. In his article on the nutritional value of the 3 Musketeers bar, he wrote Three Musketeers in every instance.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Unnecessary Q Marks Dept.

Recent BBC headline (I see air quotes): Twin blasts in Baghdad 'kill 23'

Not actually killed? Not 23 people? What?

Search engine minimization

Article title: "How to Loose 13 Pounds in 68 Days"

Putting aside "loose," where in the world do those numbers come from? Is there a person alive who would have those specific weight-loss goals? Search engine minimization if I've ever seen it.

Echo Writing

An article I edited contains: "It also has a veggie burger as a vegetarian option. It also has a veggie burger."

I'd suggest a piece of Wrigley Doublemint gum as a refreshing chaser after the burger.

Not a good sign

The first article I opened up to edit this morning begins with, ‎"Loosing weight around your stomach . . . " And so my Friday begins.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

"I'd rather be sailing"

No doubt you've seen that expression on bumper stickers.

Well guess what, mateys, you can do just that while you're playing golf. So throw your block and tackle and other nautical gear into your golf bag, because according to an article on golf terms that I just edited (and returned to the author for a rewrite), golf courses can "contain oceans."

Just think of it, you'll be able to yell "fore" and "hard alee" during your next "good walk spoiled," as golf has been called. The article, which was filled with errors, scored a hole in one (i.e., the bottom of a 1-5 scale).

Thursday, September 9, 2010

A writer with low self-esteem?

I edited an article today that had "Asso." as the abbrev. for Association. Fitting.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Another Title Fail

I passed on this one in my queue for online article editing:

"The Calories Burned When Swimming in a 25-Foot Pool"

It must be written for readers who are members of teeny tiny itsy bitsy aquatic facilities.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

"Everywhere like such as"

She's right up there with the countless writers who don't know the difference between "like" and "such as." I am astounded by how many there are.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Self-interest vs. self-plagiarism

One of the "gatekeeping" responsibilities I have for the online article editing I do is to look out for writers who self-plagiarize and report them to the company.

When I first started this work, I took that responsibility seriously. And then I realized how much time it took, and the extent to which it could impact my hourly earnings.

Therefore, I never pick two very similar titles within roughly 24 hours. No doubt that writers grab them to make their work easier, and any self-respecting self-plagiarist would be a fool not to do the same.

I'm more interested in maximizing my income than I am in wasting time to determine whether someone appears to be guilty of S-P, and then having an internal debate about morality and my responsibilities.

White

Call me a rebel, but I'll continue to wear my white T-shirts in my home office after Labor Day.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

I love the smell of an Expired in the morning.

I have two options for the articles that I edit online: edit and approve for publication, or edit and return to the writer with a detailed rewrite request.

If a writer receives a rewrite request, he has four days in which to comply. If the article isn't returned to my queue by the deadline, it has expired. I do, however, receive payment for having worked on it. The writer does not.

Every once in a while an article is so bad, and the rewrite request effectively asks the writer to start over, that he abandons it. This is often my hope; I simply don't want to spend another minute on an article that isn't likely to be much better the second time around.

I checked my queue and list of "Reviewed Work" this morning. My hope was realized: an Expired.


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The Brotherhood of the Frayed Pants

Tomorrow marks the first anniversary of the last day of my final full-time position.

In countless ways, as previously described here in excruciating detail, being the senior editor in that particular proposal center was the worst editing job I've ever had.

I worked there for 20 months but knew within a few after starting that it was a bagfull of wrong. The question was how long I'd last.

I set my target resignation date to roughly coincide with my retirement in terms of Social Security, and my plan to have in place freelance editing work to supplement my SS income.

That done, the next decision was how to "mark" my progress toward September 2.

Some people fast until whatever, others don't shave or cut their hair. I chose a haberdashery approach. Specifically, I decided to wear the same pair of pants every day for the roughly 12 months leading up to the Last Day.

The fact that they, and I, made it, albeit somewhat worse for the wear, is a tribute to will power, tenacity, and fine craftsmanship.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Don't tread on me

Here's an article title that popped up in my online editing queue that never should have seen the light of day: "How Fast & Long Should I Walk Without a Treadmill?"

I'd proffer that it depends on whether the treadmill will feel (1) slighted if its pace can't keep up, and (2) lonely and abandoned as you disappear into the distance.

Out-of-body experiences

Many writers of the fitness/health articles I edit are apparently instructing the readers to have OBEs.

Their articles are peppered with phrases such as "lay yourself down . . ."

I will collect these and include them in my next book, "Zen and the Art of Article Maintenance."

Post-tornado fitness workouts

Has your house been carried away by a tornado? Are you wondering how you can continue your at-home exercise routine? Not to worry.

Many of the online articles I edit have been written with just you, and other victims of Mother Nature's fury, in mind.

You see, the articles indicate that even without your now missing, beautiful floors, you can remain buffed. The exercise instructions include phrases such as "lie on the ground," "sit on the ground," and "kneel on the ground."

So go ahead, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and throw yourself right back down on the ground. At least you have your health.

Monday, August 30, 2010

"Do your magic!"

I used to work for a managing editor who would end all of his requests for rush editing jobs with that statement.

Given that I always managed to come through for him, I suppose it's possible that he viewed me as something more than a mere mortal. Probably not.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

One of My Kindred Spirits

As I have extensively described on this blog, in far too many situations editors are treated as personae non gratae.

Many years ago I worked with another editor, a woman who became and remains my friend. We often commiserated over the plight of the poor, poor, plum pitiful editor.

I can't remember which one of us came up with our "editor names"—Flotsam and Jetsam.

To this day, we occasionally call each other Flo and Jet. We are, after all, still working as editors.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Eeny, Meeny, Miny, and Moe

New Inductees: Hall of Shame, Article Title Division

"Detoxing Diet Books": Who knew! These books are contaminated.

"How to Stop Smoking Online": Simple. Turn off the computer.

"Questions for a Doctor in Child Delivery": I don't think she'd want to be disturbed.

"How to Go Back to School with a Family": Just ask. I'm sure they'd be glad to have you come with.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose

The company for which I do online article editing has taken what was previously an active, stimulating and helpful copy editor forum and redesigned it into a maze of sub-sites, rendering them user hostile and essentially now worthless. Very few folks are posting.

So a group of copy editors started a private Facebook group and invited me to join. I had previously cut loose from the data-mining FB bastards. However, since interaction with my fellow copy editors is essentially no longer available on the company website, I reluctantly decided to accept.

I logged into the group and wrote a short greeting. When I hit the "send" button, I was confronted with a pop-up that asked me to verify my account by providing either my mobile phone number or credit card information.

I notified the editor who invited me that there's no way I would provide FB with that information. This is new since I last used FB. I guess FB, despite its statements to the contrary, continues to not give a shit about privacy.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Queen is Dead, Long Live the Queen.

I just edited an article on a honey bee secretion called royal jelly.

In every instance where she appeared, the queen bee was referred to as the Queen Bea.

Perhaps the writer is a fan of Maude and The Golden Girls.

Friday, August 20, 2010

It'll take something special to top this one.

This article title is by far the worst one I've seen since I started my online article work: "Long Term Effects of Sleeping with Children"

Whatever process is used to generate titles must do better than this. First, it's obvious how the title could be read. Second, it's the children who are sleeping with the parent(s), not the other way around.

That wording reflects extraordinary stupidity, insensitivity, and a serious blind spot.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

George Orwell never tires of dancing in his grace.

When I do my online article editing, one of my tasks is to ensure that articles fall within specific word count ranges.

In Firefox, I use the "Word Count Plus" extension for that purpose. I thought I'd try doing some editing work in Google's Chrome browser, so I looked for a similar extension designed for Chrome. I found one, but there's no way I'd consider installing it.

The distance from Google's once "do no evil" philosophy to this is inestimable:



I'll give Google this: At least it's now up-front about its data mining.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Something smells fishy.

Tonight's winning article title: "How to Lose Weight and Scales"

We all know how annoying those scales can be.

The "Butterfly Effect" article title of the day

"How To Not Gain Weight When a Person Stops Smoking"

Given the number of smokers who quit every day, I'd say that weight gain is unavoidable.

Editing and trash collection have more in common than most people realize.

Wanted: Editorial Assistant Slave

This ad from Craigslist takes the notion that editing is undervalued to the extreme:

Duties include:
• Research, develop, fact-check, write, and edit content for web, email, print, and broadcast in accordance with the style guide and editorial policy.
• Work with SEO team to optimize web content for search.
• Coordinate administration of work commissioned to freelancers or licensed from other sources.
• Fact-check and proofread freelance copy and user submissions.
• Obtain rights to use materials from other publications.
• Reply to correspondence from users, viewers, and contributors.
• Daily news gathering and maintenance of newswire.
• Social media postings and community moderation.
• Use a content management system to post new content.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

It's not over until this one sings.

A singularly deficient title from my online editing queue: "Exercises for Fat Woman"

High Oy Vey Factor

From an article I just edited: "Standup straight and steady your self."

I do need to steady myself, but I think I best remain seated.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

10-Foot-Pole Title of the Day

From my online article editing queue: "What does it take to be a mother?"

In addition to what might be considered the obvious, the possibilities are endless. I suspect the article is an extremely condensed version of "Motherhood for Dummies."

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Hating CMS, cont'd

Once again, the Chicago Manual of Style (15th edition, rule 9.10) is a tad less than definitive, this time on the treatment of very large numbers.

"A figure of 4.5 billion years is often given as the age of the solar system.
They were speaking in the order of 25 billion (or twenty-five billion)."

Virginia, more than a state of mind

I'm editing yet another book that places the Pentagon, in describing the events of 9/11, in Washington, D.C. For those of you who don't know, there's something called the Potomac River between DC and the Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Ask Mr. Science

"Is there a difference between walking and standing still?"

"No."

From "Walking Games for Kids," an article I just edited:

"I Spy is a game for two or more people, and ideal for an adult-child outing because it involves no physical activity."

The next time someone tells me that I should walk a mile in his shoes, I'll say, "No problem. How about two?"

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Body language

The "How To" articles I edit online often have a "Things You'll Need" section, which on occasion include the obvious. From today's How To's:

"Techniques To Improve Posture"
Things You'll Need:
Your body
A chair
A package to lift
A wall to stand against

The writer proceeded to ignore "a period" for the Things You'll Need to end the ensuing ten or so sentences.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Truly taking guidelines to heart

One of the writing guidelines for some of the articles that I edit online is, "Write articles in second person to pull the reader into the piece."

The writer of the following obviously was consumed by the spirit, if not the letter, of that guideline:

"The second kick waits until you you’re your arms back to your sides."

When Words Fail

Comcast had an image problem. So the company rebranded itself with a new name: XFINITY.

That fooled no one. Time for Plan B.

Current thrust of advertising: "Guaranteed rate for two years." And, as we all know, that means you're locked into a two-year contract, with a steep penalty if you cancel.

When you're part of a monopolistic industry, you don't need to do much better than the preceding. Not that it would make anyone feel better, or create goodwill, but somebody up there should at least make a credible effort.

Fat and lazy.

The Elusive Break

I decided to take a break from manually renumbering close to 2,000 endnotes in the manuscript I'm editing. I went online to some article copy editing. This is part of the first article I selected:

"Step 7

"Calculate the body density of your subject, in grams per cubic centimeter, using the following formula for females: 1.096095 – (0.0006952 × sum of skinfolds) + (0.0000011 × sum of skinfolds squared) – (0.0000714 × age). Continuing with the example from above, assuming the subject is 25 years old, her body density is 1.096095 – (0.0006952 × 110) + (0.0000011 × 12100) – (0.0000714 × 25), or 1.031148 g per cc. Use a slightly different formula for male subjects: 1.112 – (0.00043499 × sum of skinfolds) + (0.00000055 × sum of skinfolds) – (0.00028826 × age)."

Can't win for losing.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

I'll pass on this one, thank you.

(On the copy editor forum on the website through which I do my online article editing, there are many funny running threads regarding titles not chosen to edit, often referred to as "10-foot-pole" titles. All articles have "Tips" and "Warnings" sections.)

One of my posts to the CE forum today:

It's not strictly a 10-foot-poler, but I'll stay clear of "How to Lose the Buttocks with Butt Exercises." I fear the article does not include Tips on how to retrieve your lost buttocks or a Warning about the dangers of life without them.

Corporate Slogans with an Attitude

Rest assured, dear shareholders, the government, taxpayers, and everyone else can go to Hell.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Hating Word and Endnotes, cont'd

I was editing above these, and when I scrolled down I found this. F**kin Word decided it wanted to renumber itself.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Haiku: The Dyslexic Day Laborer

He rarely gets picked
Because his sign makes no sense
He "Will Fork for Wood"

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Today's 10-ft.-pole title

There is a copy editor forum on the website where I do my online article editing. The CEs regularly post titles that appear in their queues that they will not, for a variety of reasons, select to work on.

Our reasons for passing on titles include no familiarity with the topic, a title that contains a question that doesn't appear to be answerable, a particularly vague title, or titles that cause the little man inside to scream, "No way. Stay away from this one."

I just passed on this one: "How to Lose Weight While You Sleep With Vinegar"

Some other copy editor can pick that one and perhaps explore the depraved world of Vinegar's Weight Loss Emporium & Pleasure Palace.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Sheer brilliance

Whoever wrote this catalog copy for the book I'm editing deserves very special recognition:

"By having the principal actors speak for themselves, Yada Yada provides a unique critique of the Blah Blah administration."

Why brilliant? Because "having the principal actors speak for themselves" and "a unique critique" are exceptionally creative euphemisms to describe the fact that the author wrote a mere 3 percent of the book. The remaining 416 pages comprise quotations.

A BP editor's journal excerpt

I caught misspelling
Looked up word and made edit
I then forgot it

A rose price by any other name

Spammers—what a clever lot. Their software developers and programmers continue to figure out ways to penetrate our email defenses. To wit:

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

To Hell and Back in 24 Hours

Received manuscript to edit.

First-time author.

Rife with problems. Unpublishable in my opinion.

Extreme angst. What to do?

Many emails and phone calls with publisher and managing editor.

Convinced them to hold or kill it.

Euphoria.

Managing editor: "I'll send you a 'pretty' manuscript."

Received it. It's ugly.

Nearly 2,000 end notes to deal with, among other issues.

Locked balcony door. Ten floors to ground level.

Headline Fail

"How Will Mel Gibson's Latest Rants Affect Jodie Foster's Beaver?"

The real question is how did that get through copy editing. But given that it's from E! Online, it was doubtless deliberate. Shame on them.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Ibidiot

I don't know if this is a hard-and-fast style rule (and I can't find it in any style manual), but I seem to recall that you shouldn't use ibid. more than five consecutive times in notes.

When an author strings together more than that, he's an ibidimwit and ibidumbskull who might suffer from ibidementia. Editing his notes ib nauseum lulls me into a feeling of ibidumdeedum.

Monday, July 5, 2010

A "How To" not for the faint of brainpower

From a "How To" article I edited on calculating weight loss during exercise: "This calculation will also require you to know your age in years and your gender."

I'm going to go out on a limb here, and assert that anyone sentient enough to even consider their weight would not ask "How old am I?" or " Am I a man or a women?"

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Lean, Mean Editing Machines

Experienced editors understand that, in the grand scheme of things, we shouldn't sweat the small stuff, despite what any style manual or guidelines dictates. The readers will never know the difference anyway.

I remember an upperclassman telling me, shortly after I arrived at Rutgers, that the secret to success in college (given the enormous reading and workload) is to figure out what you can get away with not doing.

IMHO the same is true for editing.

The more I edit, the more I ignore, within reason. In the last book I worked on, I dispensed with changing e.g. and i.e. to you know what. Beginning with my current book, "he or she" and their variations will remain undisturbed.

When I was a managing editor, my direction to my staff and freelancers was "efficiency: the maximum quantity/quality output with the minimum input." I continue to manage myself toward that goal.

Misdirection

Copy editing
Hack who penned “right of passage”
That’s as rite as rein

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Anthropomorphism

If memory serves, this is the first time I have ever used that word in writing.

Several weeks ago, the hook thing below fell off of my venetian blinds. I couldn't reattach it. One of my building's maintenance guys, who was in my apartment for something else, struggled but succeeded in reattaching it.

A few days ago, it fell off again. It is now gathering dust.

The more I look at it, the more it appears to be giving me the finger.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Impediments

According to C.W. Moss, "dirt in the fuel line" was the problem with Bonnie and Clyde's car.


A killer stiff neck has impeded my editing performance for four days and counting.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

If it's Wednesday, it must be humanitarian day.

I just finished an article for my online editing work: "How To Lose Fat in Your Forehead." Seriously.

The thought of countless folks whose lives will be changed as a result of their slimmed-down foreheads warms my heart and will sustain me for days to come.

Dare I hope for the Presidential Medal of Freedom?

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Obviously

"A former newsletter reporter is need to write articles for website dealing with regulatory issues." (from Craigslist)

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Playing Defense

One of the good things about being an editor is the regimen of 40+ hours a week of brain exercise. And the experts say that as we age, this is particularly helpful to keep dementia at bay.

When it comes to working out my gray matter, I like to cross-train.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

The Siren Call

I get paid per article for the online editing that I do. I can edit, on average, about six articles an hour.

Unlike my book editing, for which I receive an annual salary as a "permanent freelancer," the online editing literally represents "time is money."

So, for example, when I'm watching a "Seinfeld" re-run, the thought occurs to me that I could knock out a few articles in the same period of time.

I've come to feel that piece work is the editorial equivalent of heroin addiction. And the possible "quantity" bonuses that the client dangles in front of the editors are not exactly methadone!

One editor wrote on our forum that she edits while nursing her baby.

I think I hear my checking account whispering, "Feed me. Feed me."

These "optics" have me seeing red.

Call me a purist, but I believe that words should be used as they are defined in the dictionary.

It is for that reason that I bristle when I see or hear vogue words as, for example, in this news headline: "Obama’s Vacation Optics – Axelrod and Co. Fail to Protect President’s Image."

The use of "optics" to mean "appearance" or "impression" does not set the writer apart as he no doubt intended. Rather, it simply demonstrates that he is an unoriginal, unimaginative writer just jumping on the language bandwagon of the day.

Friday, June 4, 2010

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Part II

Yesterday I completed my edit of a particularly difficult manuscript (see 5/26 entry).

It pretty much took all the editing out of me, and I have struggled today to do any online article editing—my second gig along with book editing.

I believe I am suffering from a condition that the American Psychiatric Association needs to include in its DSM: PTESD, or Post-Traumatic-Editing Stress Disorder.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Variation on a Theme

Do spammers actually believe that the software program used to generate their messages can do an end run around spam filters?

I have received, in my spam folder, scores of various misspelling of "I am looking for a date." I'm not good at math, but those letters surely must contain scores of additional possible rearrangements. So I expect them to continue for some time.

My favorite, thus far: "I am loobaking for a date."

You know the old saw, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. But "baking in the loo"? That's a fail.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Good prices, bad copy writers

Subject line of email from Best Buy: "New reducing pricing on a variety of laptops"

It would appear that pricing is on a diet.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Everything you always wanted to know about being an editor, but were afraid to ask

This email exchange with my managing editor pretty much sums it all up:

ME to me: I meant to mention to you that Yada Yada would like to include the extra information (and credit you) that you added as an "FYI" to him in note 83 of chapter 10 of Blah Blah Blah (about the whatchamacallit being used in Ringydingy in the 1970s). Is this OK with you?

Me to ME: That credit belongs to Whats Hisname.

Whats Hisname, an editorial consultant who occasionally eyeballs manuscripts, added one sentence to the book. I made well over a thousand edits, many of them substantive.

I will receive no credit or thanks of any kind from the author (nor will the layout person who transforms the Word docs into a publishable PDF file in InDesign), and certainly no mention in the book's Acknowledgments section. That little perk always goes to the acquisitions editor who brought the manuscript in and then, with virtually no review, turned it over to Editorial. Every time I read that section of a manuscript and see that acknowledgment, I want to scream.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders

I should contact the American Psychiatric Association to suggest they add to their DSM a disorder that I've experienced. Anecdotal evidence indicates this disorder is widespread.

The disorder presents itself when I'm working on an especially bad manuscript. When it rears its head, I can edit chapters only in very small segments.

The new entry in the DSM would begin, "WTDATDD: Willing-to-devote-attention-to deficit disorder . . . "

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Dashed Hope

I started editing my current book project about three weeks ago.

In all that time, I had seen nothing but assure/assured mistakenly used for ensure/ensured.

But I remained hopeful.

Today, finally, I came across not only ensure but also ensuring.

Sadly, deletion of each incorrect r ensued.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Life Editing Imitates Art

Often, far too often, editing can drive you a little nuts—and every once in a while, totally batshit crazy!

There are, quite literally, hundreds of ways that this profession can be hazardous to your mental health. Count me among the many editors who would place authors, for what they do (sins of commission) and/or don't do (sins of omission), squarely at the top of the list. Next on the list would be a very distant second indeed.

An editor friend made reference to the classic 1944 film "Gaslight" to describe his current editing project. This is probably the best metaphor I've ever heard for what editing can, on those TBC occasions, feel like.


Here is what "Paula" (Ingrid Bergman) says to her husband, "Gregory" (Charles Boyer) after he gets busted. It perfectly mirrors what many editors feel with regard to some of our authors:

"If I were not mad, I could have helped you. Whatever you had done, I could have pitied and protected you. But because I am mad, I hate you. Because I am mad, I have betrayed you. And because I'm mad, I'm rejoicing in my heart, without a shred of pity, without a shred of regret, watching you go with glory in my heart!"

Close but no cigar

I just edited an article on how to hang flowering plants.

According to the writer, to do so you'll need close pins.

Ursa Major Oops

Spotted in a manuscript this morning: "bear-bones information."

Perhaps the author was fantasizing.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Mother Russia would not be amused.

One of her girls, presumably via a Russian dating spam site, emailed the following to me: "I am lobokibng faor a date."

Good luck and do svidanya, Svetlana.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Today's Fantasy

Dear Stupid, Lazy Sonofabitch Author:

In your nearly 700 notes (which you submitted as footnotes rather than endnotes per our submission guidelines), you failed to enclose within quotation marks a single report title.

There must be close to a hundred of them. In addition, you failed to italicize perhaps twenty or so book titles.

Also, you evidently couldn't make up your addled brain regarding the military vs. civilian treatment of how to structure a specific date.

Finally, your clearly schizoid approach to hyphenation and capitalization would seem to indicate an immediate need for treatment.

In closing, I can only say that all of the above, and so much more, perfectly represents the focus of your book: the fight against terrorism. For this editorial effort, I am the good guy and you are the terrorist.

Forever disrespectfully yours,

I love working at home.

But there is the occasional day when I miss the hustle and bustle of being out there among the worker bees.

This Friday, National Bike to Work Day, will be one such day.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

A series in search of commas


That makes my heart race, my lungs constrict, and my blood pressure rise.

Let's just say that the Institute makes full use of the aserial comma, shall we?

Friday, May 14, 2010

The Abyss

My current author's work represents a quantum leap downward into the stylistic netherworld, to depths even my worst writers to date don't even know exist.

He is, quite literally, an explorer and worthy of a Guinness World Record.

He has ignored with the wild abandon known only to the most adventurous among humankind, consistency in every possible way it can applied to a written work.

I am, for this project, not an editor, but a sanitary engineer.

The Writing Minefield

I just came across the phrase "anti-personal explosives" in the manuscript I'm editing.

And it's in chapter 4, with six remaining. I wonder what other dangers lie ahead.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

One bad turn deserves another.

When I edit a manuscript, I normally turn off Track Changes when I do HTML-coding and formatting, and clean up the author's junk that is not related to content. I do this as a favor of sorts to make the author's review easier.

Those days are over. The manuscript I'm working on never should have been accepted in its current form, which is filled with more violations of submission guidelines than almost any I've seen.

Track Changes has been on from the moment I started this project and will never be turned off.

I'm going to fill this author's (and any of his kind in the future) world with every single change I make. His right margins will runneth over with the evidence of how much I had to do to bring his work to publication.

Professional writing as on-the-job training

The company for which I do online article editing recently introduced an "instant reject" feature for articles that meet certain reject criteria. "Instant reject" is not exactly instant, as the copy editors must first obtain an OK from our team lead.

I recently sent my lead a request to approve an instant reject (based on lack of basic composition skills) of an article containing the following:

"Microsoft first introduced the breakthrough XENIX-based messaging system but in 1993 a few transfer to the early versions of Exchange Servers has slowly started. By January 1995 over 500 users ran the foremost, Exchange Server Beta 1. As it has proven to be a better alternative and provided with its precise acumen, some 30,000 users has migrated to it at the end of 1996. . . . Spam and viruses are usually tied up on messages that are abundant in the internet, just the thought of a having these in your system is inadmissible. . . . Finding and fixing problems are quickly responded, . . . It gives off easy administration at no higher cost which in return, makes a good performance for everyone in the company."

My team lead denied my request. She said the article is "not incomprehensible" and that I should return the article to the writer with a rewrite request that points out some errors and makes specific suggestions.

In my opinion, "not incomprehensible" is not a standard we should even consider, and it should be trumped by the criterion "content demonstrates lack of basic composition skills."

The terms "race to the bottom" and "lowest common denominator" come to mind.

I signed on to be a copy editor, not a writing instructor.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Editing Heaven

Some software developer/programmer could make millions by developing a program that could simultaneously run a global search and replace through multiple Word files.

Feeling wishful this morning.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Occupational Hazard

I have several fellow editors―my kindred spirits―with whom I share my editing experiences. They do the same, and some days seem to be primarily comprised of a nonstop flow of emails among us.

Many of our messages deal with the trivia and esoterica of editing style and such. But most of those emails reflect our reactions to what we're working on and the negative emotions (for example, disbelief, anger, frustration, disappointment) resulting from our work.

This image should be part of our email signatures:

My Own Private Guantánamo

When an author submits a manuscript to a publisher, he is supposed to adhere to the publisher's submission guidelines.

For example, one area of those guidelines pertains to chapter notes. My publisher requests that all chapter notes be compiled in a separate file (which is placed at the end of the book), and thus the number signals in the text would not link directly to their respective notes. (Linking means that, during the editing process, when you place your cursor over the number, the note text pops up. This enables the editor to see if the note matches the respective text and can only work if there are footnotes.)

The manuscript I'm working on has footnotes and, therefore, linked numbers in the text. I can only guess why the acquisition editor in this case accepted the manuscript as submitted, in blatant violation of the guidelines. Most likely, it is related to the intense pressure that traditional publishers (and acquisition editors) are under as they compete with the emerging digital publishing industry.

What I do know, however, is that the mechanics involved (and the time required) to transform more than 600 footnotes with linked numbers into a new file, and replace linked numbers in the text with unlinked numbers are sheer editorial hell. I will spare you the details.

Today will be devoted to completing that task. What comes to mind is how we used to blast rock music as part of PsyOps torture of prisoners at Guantánamo Bay and military prisons in Afghanistan and Iraq.

Uh oh, here comes the warden, and I think he's about to crank it up.

Monday, May 10, 2010

"Don't close the door, Mommy."

In the manuscript I just started to edit, "Ibid., 48"―missing the period at the end—is a typical end note. And there are nearly 700 of them.

Perhaps the author has abandonment or closure issues.

Friday, May 7, 2010

If I ruled the world . . .

There would be much greater use of acronyms without the initial spelling out. After all, don't we pretty much know, for example, what NATO, CIA, FBI, and the UN stand for.

First on my Official List of Acronyms would be AQ. In a quick scan of a new editing project, I have already seen: al Qaeda, Al Qaeda, al-Qaeda, Al-Qaeda, al Qaida, Al Qaida, al-Qaida, and Al-Qaida.

In case you're wondering, the book was written by one author, not a group of them.

I shall call him Squiggly Piggy.

As you know, one use of brackets ("[xx]") is to insert an editorial comment of some kind within quoted material.

The author of the manuscript which I just started to edit, consistently uses squiggly brackets ("{xx}") instead. I can't recall ever seeing squigglies outside of computer programming language or advanced mathematical formulas.

Squigglies have no place in civilized society.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Caveat emptor scriptor

The following is from an article I edited on calculating return on investment in real estate:

"In the example, $80,000 divided by $60,000, which equals $20,000."

This sentence fragment + horrible math = credence to those who believe writers can't edit their own work.

Serial Killer

Some say that deep within each of us lies a potential killer who could be released given the right set of circumstances.

Upon waking this morning, I found tangible evidence of that on the writing pad I keep next to my bed. Evidently I had done some automatic writing during the night.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Bad blurb from a writer's bio

"Elvira is a professional writer with more than 5-years of experience."

In her case, perhaps the sixth year will be a charm.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Editor Franklin D. Roosevelt: Who knew!

Researcher Finds Roots of FDR’s “Day of Infamy” Speech

WASHINGTON (Rhoiders) — The National Archives and Records Administration announced today a major find related to President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s historic speech following the 1941 Japanese attack on the U.S. Navy base at Pearl Harbor.

Senior Researcher Monika Kharlamov was reviewing documents related to FDR’s work history in the days before he entered politics. One of his positions was as a senior freelance editor for the now-defunct Hastings Publishers, which was headquartered near FDR’s home in Hyde Park, New York.

Kharlamov told Rhoiders, “When I came across this letter from the president to presumably his supervisor at Hastings, I could easily understand, having been an editor myself, why FDR would draw upon the emotions expressed in this letter when he addressed the nation following the Pearl Harbor attack.”

The letter appears here in its entirety.

“Yesterday, September 23rd, 1909—a date which will live in infamy—my mailbox was suddenly and deliberately attacked by what appears likely to turn out to be the worst manuscript I was ever asked to edit.

“I was at peace with that mailbox and was still in conversation with my mailman and my publisher, and was looking toward the maintenance of peace with both of them.

“Indeed, three hours after the mailman commenced attacking my mailbox, the author of the manuscript delivered to my publisher a formal request to verify my receipt of said manuscript. And while this request stated that it seemed useless for the author to initiate any negotiations with me at that time, it contained no threat or hint of the attack that lurked within the manuscript.

“It will be recorded that the distance of my mailbox from the author’s home makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the intervening time, the author had deliberately sought to deceive the acquisition editor and my publisher by his false statements and expressions of certitude regarding the quality of his submitted work.

“The attack on my mailbox has caused severe damage to this editor’s defenses. I regret to tell you that very many hundreds of my hours will probably be wasted. In addition, within the past 24 hours this very same author has reportedly attacked other publishers from coast to coast.

“The author has, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout the country. The facts of yesterday and today speak for themselves. This editor, and no doubt others, have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very health and sanity of our profession.

“As chairman of the American Society of Editors, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense. But always will our whole profession remember the character of the onslaught against us.

“No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the ASE in its righteous might will win through to absolute victory.

“I believe that I interpret the will of the ASE when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost, but will make it very certain that this form of treachery shall never again endanger us.

“Bad writers with their hostile intent exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our association, its members, publishers, the American reading public, and our individual and collective interests are in grave danger.

“With confidence in our membership, with the unbounding determination of our publishers, we will gain the inevitable triumph—so help us God.

“I ask that the ASE and its members’ publishing houses declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by this author, a state of war has existed between those in the editing profession and this author.”

A haiku to celebrate the end of a project

Editing’s Dark Secret
The manuscript sucks
Writer should keep his day job
Half-hearted edit

Thursday, April 29, 2010

State of disrepair?

I encountered the phrase "rec havoc" in an article I edited this morning.

Perhaps the writer, when he worked on the article, was preoccupied with the mess in his rec room.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Just one?

I think I could handle a "Director of Proposal" posting on Craigslist.

Multiple proposals would be a problem.

Friday, April 23, 2010

To borrow from Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I'm editing a singularly difficult (read: badly written) manuscript. I can tolerate about six or seven pages at a time before I have to close it out.

My version of Browning's Sonnet 43:

How Do I Hate Thee?

How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.
I hate thee to the height and width of each page
My eyes can reach, when you are within sight
For the ends of anger and frustration.
I hate thee to the level of every day's
Most horrid sensation, by natural and artificial light.
I hate thee freely, as editors strive for coherence.
I hate thee purely, as editors turn from incoherence.
I hate thee with the passion put to use
In my old manuscripts, and with my editor's discernment.
I hate thee with a hate I seemed to keep
With my past work. I hate thee with the gasps,
Frowns, pain, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but hate thee even better when remembering thee after deadline.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Work from Home

One of the requirements in a Craigslist posting today for a Content Writer: "Ability to work independently with very little super vision."

So, who needs super vision anyway when there's no watcher to watch.

If it's Wednesday, it must be s**t writing day.

Of the six online articles I've edited thus far, all but one have been sent back to the writers for a rewrite.

Maybe it's the pollen count.

Tell me something I don't already know.

From the book I'm currently editing:

"There’s no free lunch in life. We get to be young, but then we become old. . . . It’s what we call the human condition."

From what I've seen thus far, the publisher could market this book as a sleeping aid.

ZZZZZZZZZZ!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Why I Hate the Chicago Manual of Style

I had forgotten the rule on abbreviating certain titles. So I proceeded to section 15.13, which provides reason #3,985 for my hatred of the so-called guide:

Rep. Mark Kirk; Representative Kirk . . .

Senator Susan Collins ("Sen.," though used in journalism, is better avoided in formal prose)


It simply defies logic. And what the hell is formal prose? Anything not written on a napkin?

Let's add "CMS-induced frustration" to the inevitable duo of "death and taxes."

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Mondo Loco Logo

Today's loser from the articles I've edited: "Sketch out you ideas for your logo one paper using colored markers."

Can you imagine if this writer were responsible for creating the logo.

Friday, April 16, 2010

A writer who no longer wants to contribute

From an article I'm editing: "Involvement in theater can attribute to future success for students."

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Equal Opportunity Bad Writing

Oh, pity the poor writers who try their hardest to eliminate sexism from their work.

I just started editing a manuscript that is filled with well-intentioned but feeble attempts such as these: "the Congressman has his or her staff" and "Congress(wo)men."

English desperately needs a couple of new words to replace these and other similar conventions.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Where's Adam?

I just edited an article on how to remove old stain on a log cabin. The writer suggested starting "under the eve."

Monday, April 5, 2010

I think I'll have another cup of coffee first.

Found in my first online editing article of the week: "All three function in a similar manor."

Not ready for this yet.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

A spammer who is particularly spelling challenged

These five consecutive subject lines represent an embarrassment of typographical riches that arrived this a.m. in my spam folder:

univesitby dipaloma
ubaanivesity diploma
univesitay diploma
univesitby bdiploma
univesiaty daiploma

Monday, March 29, 2010

What surely must be a very exciting job, posted on craigslist

Technical Writer Opening! (Falls Church, VA)

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Approaching Milestone

I wanted to see if I've hit 3,000 articles yet for my freelance online editing gig.

Since starting last May 13, I've edited 2,796 articles. Based on an average of 350 words per article (could be more), I've edited close to one million words.

Prolonged drudgery does not equal accomplishment (but it will pay my income tax bills).

This image allegedly contains one million words:

What's good enough for George Costanza might be good enough for me!

I think going to church might be a better way to spend Sunday morning than editing.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Lazy Author Syndrome

I'm working on a manuscript that has 948 endnotes (68 pages long).

There is not a single note that contains the full reference for a work, that is, first and last name of author, complete title of the work, location and name of publisher, date of publication―all of which are included in the bibliography―and page numbers.

So I have to laboriously go back and forth between the notes and bibliography files to copy and paste the missing information.

This is yet another example of a manuscript that the acquisition editor should have returned to the author, for him to complete the notes in order to provide an acceptable piece of work.

When I ran this information past my managing editor, he referred to this author as one who suffers from Lazy Author Syndrome. I told him that we should refer to these authors as Lassies.

Monday, March 15, 2010

It's raining in my neighborhood . . .

And (from an article I just edited) I have just discovered something that might help me out: "These interest rates can be considered absorbent."

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

New client?

I think the company for which I edit online articles has one.

Titles such as "Why Is Profit Important in a Business?" (not made up) must be for www.theresnosuchthingasadumbquestion.com.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

The Few. The Misunderstood. The Editors.

Here's an excerpt from an email I got from my brother. I didn't even acknowledge it when I answered his email.

"How is work? Any good books in the works? Maybe I can do some editing. I just read a Patterson book in 2 days. That is the fastest that I finished a novel. And I even found some errors in it."

I know how to drive. I think I'll enter the Indy 500.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Bud's Lexicon: An "R" Entry

retirement (n.): the condition of renewed exhaustion resulting from performing six months of full-time freelance editing after leaving full-time employment

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Editing lapse or senior moment?

I opened up an online article to edit today. It was about the goals and objectives of a school board (redundant title; awful title writers at the company).

Recently, I've been doing loads of articles about classroom bulletin boards. I started reading the article: academic standards, budget information, relationships with the community and funding agencies, etc.

So I'm asking myself what in the world does this have to do with a bulletin board?

Uh huh. It happens to the best of us.

Monday, March 1, 2010

The Undeserving

Every time I read a thank-you "to my [Acquisitions] editor" in the Acknowledgments section of a book I'm editing, I want to scream.

The acquisitions editors bring in the work (quantity); we copy editors bring it up to publishing standards (quality).

Publishers should have a policy, written into their contracts with authors, stating that in the layout stage of a manuscript they will insert a standard shout-out for the copy editor and proofreader.

Attitude

I edited an article entitled, "English Bulletin Boards for the Classroom." The writer completely disregarded the rules about how to compose the text descriptions and URLs for the "References" and "Resources" sections which provide links for readers who want additional information.

I sent the article back to the writer to address the aforementioned issues.

The writer resubmitted the article without fixing anything and included this comment: "I taught 7th and 8th grade English for 9 years."

My comment to the writer in my rejection of the article, based on not responding to my request nor following the style guidelines, was: "'I taught 7th and 8th grade English for 9 years' does not respond to my request that you review the guidelines regarding References and Resources. . . . Describing a Reference as 'More ideas' leaves something to be desired in terms of piquing the reader's interest, as does 'Even more ideas' for the Resource."

The shoe's on the other foot now, Teach.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Back to the Future: the Manuscript

This excerpt from my freelance book editing colleague:

"Assuming his battle guard was no larger than what it was later, it numbered at most a thousand men."

That one shorts out my flux capacitor.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

ISO . . .

Technical Writer Neededddd (Fairfax)

They also might need an editor, or perhaps someone to fix a sticky keyboard.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

I love contributing to our educational system.

I just edited an article on "Soap Bubble Projects" for wee little school children.

Hopefully it will facilitate the development of the imagination of one of them, and that child will go on to lead our nation out of the darkness.

For want of a soap bubble, a nation can be lost. And you can quote me on that.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The World's Most Expensive Liquid?

(Follow up to "Tenacious," below)

Long story short. I saw an ophthalmologist today about "Dusty." It turns out I have some dry eye and a touch of blepharitis. She prescribed AzaSite.

It costs $99 for 2.5 milliliters. If my math is correct, that comes to $158,400 a gallon.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Tenacious

A speck of dust found its way onto my right cornea yesterday, and a stubborn little bastard he is.

A head-on, hurricane-force wind would be most welcome right about now.

Dusty is putting a crimp in my editing style.


Saturday, February 13, 2010

Deep Questions

How many editors can dance on the head of a writer?

If an editor corrects a typo and no reader is aware that the typo ever existed, has the edit actually been made?

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

In sicness [sic] and in health

One of my fellow editors asked for my opinion the other day related to "[sic]." I've got her back, she's got mine.

V: Quoted material in MS: "Despite any efforts put into the surge, the first six months of 2007 was still. . ." Would you insert [sic] after "was"?

ME: Either that or just fix it without the sic, to not draw attention to it. Of course I couldn't find this in CM [Chicago Manual of Style], but aren't we allowed to simply fix errors of this kind?

V: So I should change the "was" to "were" and leave it at that? Suppose that would work.

ME: It works for me. Who's going to object?

Monday, February 8, 2010

A First in My 27 Years of Editing

As I approach the end of my first proofing pass through a horribly written book, I am struck by what a struggle it must have been for this poor schnook of an author to complete the book.

He reached down deep and employed redundancy and wordiness almost at will to reach the finish line.

And I almost wish I had been there to cheer him on. Almost.

After all these years, could I be mellowing? I hope not—too much empathy will destroy the gatekeeper.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

A Winter’s Tale

(My brother editor, Kieran, from Ardfinnan in Ireland, sent me this email on the occasion of the snow storm that hit the mid-Atlantic region this weekend.)

Dear Bud,

Upon seeing reports of the storm—and I’m sure you grow weary of hearing it called the Snowpocalypse—it brought to mind a fond memory from my childhood.

On many a cold winter evening, with peat burning in the stove, Mam would add to the warmth of the fire by telling us stories which had been passed down through her family’s generations. Below is her favorite.

As you will see, it was tales such as this that helped put this wee little editor on the right path.

Best wishes, K

The Four Horsemen of the Commapocalypse

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Fer Manach, the four Royal Wordsmiths incurred the wrath of the mighty and feared Queen Marrigan when they submitted a particular weekly Queen's Report for her blessing before it was released to members of the Court.

Several of the Queen's closest handmaidens, hesitant yet obliged to deliver the report to Her Highness, forewarned her that she would not be amused by what she read.

Indeed, she was not. For what she saw in the wordsmiths' writing were more errors related to the use of the comma than all the potatoes in the Royal Garden.

Upon hearing of the Queen's displeasure, King Crimthand summoned the wordsmiths to Court and decreed the following:

Wordsmith Breccan, you are guilty of the incorrect placement of the comma, as you have scrivened, “Her Majesty wore a, purple gold and black, gown.”

Wordsmith Narbflaith: you are guilty of using a comma rather than a period, as you have scrivened, “Her Majesty reviewed the troops, She then presented Captain Muirgel with the Royal Cross.”

Wordsmith Tanaide, you are guilty of the omission of the needed comma, as you have scrivened, “Her Ladyship Rosaleen born and bred in Mide will accompany HRH to Temuir the capital of our western provinces.”

Wordsmith Larlug, you are guilty of over-using the comma, as you have scrivened, “Young, Prince, Ultan, has begun his, military training, at Castle Dunguaire in the, Arderins Mountains.”

These punctuational offenses leave me no choice but to ban you from Court until you return from the Great Royal Forest at Glencree, where you will meet for a fortnight to review the Royal Comma Rules.

You will each be provided a steed from the Royal Stables and will then proceed, respectively, to the East, West, North, and South Royal Entrances, after which you will navigate your way to the Royal Middle Forest Glen. Upon reaching the Glen, you will spend the aforementioned fortnight dedicated to mastering the Royal Comma Rules.

You will then immediately return to the Court Annex, at which time you will have five days to draft the next Queen's Report for Her Majesty’s handmaidens to review. May God have mercy on your souls if you have not heeded the Royal Comma Rules.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Ignorance can, indeed, be bliss.

The question is: Does an editor need to be well versed in a subject in order to successfully edit material related to that subject?

Some editors say yes, others no—for reasons that should be fairly obvious. And depending on context, our answer might change.

I believe how an editor views this depends in large part on our editorial mentors and how they defined the role of an editor. And, of course, that early influence is then tempered by our experience until we arrive at our approach to our role and to how we answer the above question.

Regarding my online article editing work, there is a seemingly limitless number of topics that end up in our editing queues, ten at a time. We can select any of them, and how we choose is, again, directly related to the question.

The other day, the following title appeared on my list: "Oracle SQL Tuning Tips." I know nothing about SQL.

Once we select an article, we own it and must edit it. There is no way to preview content. But given the title, I figured this had to be an extremely technical and esoteric article.

So I put on my "ignorant" hat and clicked on the title, taking comfort in knowing that I would not be held responsible for fact-checking or the accuracy of the content—just spelling, grammar, and structure per our editorial guidelines. Here's an excerpt:

If you're writing multiple table joins, make sure you consider the benefits for each EXISTS, IN, and table joins. IN is usually the slowest. Since the majority of filter criteria are in the parent-query, EXISTS will be the most efficient:

SELECT columns FROM tables WHERE EXISTS (sub-query);


After making several simple edits, I gave it an excellent rating, approved it, and submitted it for publication.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Exploitation Masquerading as a Job Ad

Editing is one of the few professions that requires job applicants, regardless of their experience, to take a test. Fair or not, that is the reality. Virtually every editor job I've applied for entailed a test.

Tests range from a relatively short spelling and grammar test up to what amounts to the prospective employer taking advantage of applicants by essentially getting them to edit an actual written product—in other words, the editor is providing his labor/editing gratis.

In a recent ad on Craigslist, the employer—a "leading publishing company of Urban Fiction" seeking to expand its "Reader Program"—asks applicants to provide certain material, including:

"An analysis of an Urban Fiction book—preferably a [company] title, but an analysis of any Urban Fiction book will be accepted. An analysis is a minimum 2-page examination of any combination of plot development, character development, writing style or themes that make the title successful. Please feel free to include critiques of the above elements regarding parts of the book that were not successful."

Exploitation by any other name . . .

How to Meet Contractual Obligations

By hook or by crook—or more specifically, by redundancy—the author of the book I'm currently proofing has met the word-count requirement.

All 143 pages are peppered with this sort of writing:

". . . no longer a capability of that office anymore." And, "Yet the diplomatic corps is also greatly at fault as well.

This brings to mind the phrase, "the letter, if not the spirit."

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

What's past is past.

My freelance colleague V is proofing a book I edited for the nonfiction publisher she and I work for. It was a horrible, messy manuscript: 12 or so different writers, with the lead writer/editor not doing squat to pull it together or even ensure that each chapter was "complete" in terms of the contractual agreement between himself and the company.

She asked me some questions regarding my editing approach to the book, particularly in the area of style. For the most part, I couldn't answer her questions.

Me to V: The reason I block out much of my work is simple: self-preservation, mental health, unloading baggage . . .

V to me: I have selective retention for the same reasons. If you're going to save brain "disk space" for important stuff—bank balances, TV schedules, birthdays, PIN numbers, for instance—gotta let the other stuff go. Can always look it up later if you need it.

Monday, February 1, 2010

The thrill is gone.

Got up early this morning to get a jump on my work.

I've completed one online article, sent two back for rewrites, and proofed four pages in my current book project.

I already need a work break.

Friday, January 29, 2010

The Meanness of Strangers

During my day off yesterday, I thought I'd check out Omegle, a variation on social networking where you can have a conversation with a stranger and "meet new friends."



With friends like that . . .

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Editing-free Zone

I've declared my office as such today. The language cop needs a break.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Dondé está Manuel?

Craigslist wants to know.

Manuel, call ASAP. There's a job awaiting.

"Manuel/Curriculum Writer"

Thursday, January 21, 2010

ICM

Right after I logged into Facebook around midnight, I stared at the screen and realized that I had reached my Internet Critical Mass.

ICM was brought about by the now overwhelming combination of the Gmail notifier, online editing, my news and music habits, blogging, Facebook, YouTube, Flickr, and Twitter, and probably more.

I'm pulling back, way back, before the Internet totally consumes me.

Less Net. More Movement.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

A Noble Profession

I (and countless other editors) often complain about how our profession is a thankless one.

At best, we're invisible, taken for granted, overworked, underpaid, and unappreciated. At worst, well, the litany is too long and painful to get into here.

But there are days—and today is one of them for me—when my work transcends being just a job and feels like the noble profession that it truly is.

This morning I've been doing my online article editing. And my article queue has been a blessing of a kind, a true gift from above. It has been rife with articles that, through my editing, will, I believe, enrich the lives of the those poor computer-challenged souls, some of whom might be developmentally challenged as well. To wit:

  • "How to Read Help Files on Vista"

  • "How to End a Software Installation in Progress"

  • "How to Delete All Messages in Outlook Express at Once"

My cup runneth over.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Dead Man Walking Dumb Man Reading

To borrow a phrase in order to summarize the ruling principle on the use of arguably the most hated punctuation mark:

It’s better that 10 dumb men not be confused than one intelligent man be insulted.

(Hyphen Day continued below.)

Will you take the Pledge?

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Pain in the ass

In recent days I've been at the computer way too many hours, for long uninterrupted stretches at a time.

My gluteus maximus muscles have become gluteus minimus.

This is one of those times when less is not more, but is in fact less.

Sometimes editors complain about their minds turning to mush. News flash: Mush can spread.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Multiple choice quiz

Which would you rather do?

___ Have a root canal done?

___ Go through a lengthy manuscript and replace hundreds of linked footnote numbers with unlinked superscript numbers?

Friday, January 8, 2010

Milestone of sorts

As of this morning, I've edited 2,010 articles for my online editing gig, which began last May 13.

I can say without hesitation that, as a result, I now know hardly anything about a great many more subjects.

SAFE Holidays

The Society of Associated Freelance Editors today released its 2010 holiday schedule.

In a press release, SAFE president Zsolt Vahlqist stated in part: "These special days are not holidays in the traditional sense, that is, days off. Nevertheless, we are encouraging all of our members to celebrate them in their own special ways for what they are—the work-at-home freelancers' substitution for the variety of occasions celebrated throughout the year by their office-bound counterparts."

  • 1/20: Love Your Computer Day


  • 2/17: Bring Your Dust Bunny to Work Day


  • 3/30: Ignore Email Day


  • 4/16: Staff Meeting Day


  • 6/17: Plastic Bag Lunch Day


  • 7/23: Oil Your Desk Chair Day


  • 8/6: Clement Weather Day


  • 8/18: Uncasual Day


  • 9/27: Annual Happy Hour (1-2 P.M.)


  • 10/8: Eight-Hour Coffee Break Day


  • 10/29: Unhalloween Day


  • 11/29: Staff Appreciation Day


  • 12/23: Overt Santa Day

Monday, January 4, 2010

The Wall

As I'm wrapping up a book edit on the history of Major League Soccer, a very familiar feeling has crept into my effort. And it's fitting that a sports book has spawned that sensation, one I remember all too well from my personal sports experience.

Back in '83 I ran the Marine Corps Marathon in D.C. Like so many marathoners, I hit "The Wall" at the 20-mile mark and then hung on for the remaining 6.2 miles, somehow conjuring up some adrenaline for a strong finish.

The Wall came 76.3 percent into the marathon. It just occurred to me that I usually hit my book-editing wall at just about the same point.

So I'll keep scrolling through the MS, hit one key after another, and then dig deep within to find the energy for a sprint to the finish line.

Long-distance running and manuscripts into the hundreds of pages: no pain, no gain.

This hurts my brain.

From an article I'm editing on how to install a modem in a computer running Linux:

Step 11

Edit the file "etc/ppp/options" so it contains the following lines:

debug - log transactions to /var/log/messages
/dev/ttyS1 - ( S1 = COM2, S2 = COM3, S3 = COM4)
115200 - Baud rate. Max supported bu UART chipset, not modem.
modem - Serial link is connected to a modem
crtscts - Use hardware flow control (RTS and CTS) to control serial line
asyncmap 0 - Choice of mapping of control characters
defaultroute - PPP becomes the default route to the internet
noipdefault - Not a static IP address. IP address assigned by ISP.
lock - Don't let other processes besides PPP use device (/var/lock/)
connect "/usr/sbin/chat -v -t 240 -f /etc/ppp/chat-isp"