If I ruled the world . . .

There would be much greater use of acronyms without the initial spelling out. After all, don't we pretty much know, for example, what NATO, CIA, FBI, and the UN stand for.

First on my Official List of Acronyms would be AQ. In a quick scan of a new editing project, I have already seen: al Qaeda, Al Qaeda, al-Qaeda, Al-Qaeda, al Qaida, Al Qaida, al-Qaida, and Al-Qaida.

In case you're wondering, the book was written by one author, not a group of them.

I shall call him Squiggly Piggy.

As you know, one use of brackets ("[xx]") is to insert an editorial comment of some kind within quoted material.

The author of the manuscript which I just started to edit, consistently uses squiggly brackets ("{xx}") instead. I can't recall ever seeing squigglies outside of computer programming language or advanced mathematical formulas.

Squigglies have no place in civilized society.

Caveat emptor scriptor

The following is from an article I edited on calculating return on investment in real estate:

"In the example, $80,000 divided by $60,000, which equals $20,000."

This sentence fragment + horrible math = credence to those who believe writers can't edit their own work.

Serial Killer

Some say that deep within each of us lies a potential killer who could be released given the right set of circumstances.

Upon waking this morning, I found tangible evidence of that on the writing pad I keep next to my bed. Evidently I had done some automatic writing during the night.

Bad blurb from a writer's bio

"Elvira is a professional writer with more than 5-years of experience."

In her case, perhaps the sixth year will be a charm.

Editor Franklin D. Roosevelt: Who knew!

Researcher Finds Roots of FDR’s “Day of Infamy” Speech

WASHINGTON (Rhoiders) — The National Archives and Records Administration announced today a major find related to President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s historic speech following the 1941 Japanese attack on the U.S. Navy base at Pearl Harbor.

Senior Researcher Monika Kharlamov was reviewing documents related to FDR’s work history in the days before he entered politics. One of his positions was as a senior freelance editor for the now-defunct Hastings Publishers, which was headquartered near FDR’s home in Hyde Park, New York.

Kharlamov told Rhoiders, “When I came across this letter from the president to presumably his supervisor at Hastings, I could easily understand, having been an editor myself, why FDR would draw upon the emotions expressed in this letter when he addressed the nation following the Pearl Harbor attack.”

The letter appears here in its entirety.

“Yesterday, September 23rd, 1909—a date which will live in infamy—my mailbox was suddenly and deliberately attacked by what appears likely to turn out to be the worst manuscript I was ever asked to edit.

“I was at peace with that mailbox and was still in conversation with my mailman and my publisher, and was looking toward the maintenance of peace with both of them.

“Indeed, three hours after the mailman commenced attacking my mailbox, the author of the manuscript delivered to my publisher a formal request to verify my receipt of said manuscript. And while this request stated that it seemed useless for the author to initiate any negotiations with me at that time, it contained no threat or hint of the attack that lurked within the manuscript.

“It will be recorded that the distance of my mailbox from the author’s home makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the intervening time, the author had deliberately sought to deceive the acquisition editor and my publisher by his false statements and expressions of certitude regarding the quality of his submitted work.

“The attack on my mailbox has caused severe damage to this editor’s defenses. I regret to tell you that very many hundreds of my hours will probably be wasted. In addition, within the past 24 hours this very same author has reportedly attacked other publishers from coast to coast.

“The author has, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout the country. The facts of yesterday and today speak for themselves. This editor, and no doubt others, have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very health and sanity of our profession.

“As chairman of the American Society of Editors, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense. But always will our whole profession remember the character of the onslaught against us.

“No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the ASE in its righteous might will win through to absolute victory.

“I believe that I interpret the will of the ASE when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost, but will make it very certain that this form of treachery shall never again endanger us.

“Bad writers with their hostile intent exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our association, its members, publishers, the American reading public, and our individual and collective interests are in grave danger.

“With confidence in our membership, with the unbounding determination of our publishers, we will gain the inevitable triumph—so help us God.

“I ask that the ASE and its members’ publishing houses declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by this author, a state of war has existed between those in the editing profession and this author.”

A haiku to celebrate the end of a project

Editing’s Dark Secret
The manuscript sucks
Writer should keep his day job
Half-hearted edit

State of disrepair?

I encountered the phrase "rec havoc" in an article I edited this morning.

Perhaps the writer, when he worked on the article, was preoccupied with the mess in his rec room.

Just one?

I think I could handle a "Director of Proposal" posting on Craigslist.

Multiple proposals would be a problem.

To borrow from Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I'm editing a singularly difficult (read: badly written) manuscript. I can tolerate about six or seven pages at a time before I have to close it out.

My version of Browning's Sonnet 43:

How Do I Hate Thee?

How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.
I hate thee to the height and width of each page
My eyes can reach, when you are within sight
For the ends of anger and frustration.
I hate thee to the level of every day's
Most horrid sensation, by natural and artificial light.
I hate thee freely, as editors strive for coherence.
I hate thee purely, as editors turn from incoherence.
I hate thee with the passion put to use
In my old manuscripts, and with my editor's discernment.
I hate thee with a hate I seemed to keep
With my past work. I hate thee with the gasps,
Frowns, pain, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but hate thee even better when remembering thee after deadline.

Work from Home

One of the requirements in a Craigslist posting today for a Content Writer: "Ability to work independently with very little super vision."

So, who needs super vision anyway when there's no watcher to watch.

If it's Wednesday, it must be s**t writing day.

Of the six online articles I've edited thus far, all but one have been sent back to the writers for a rewrite.

Maybe it's the pollen count.

Tell me something I don't already know.

From the book I'm currently editing:

"There’s no free lunch in life. We get to be young, but then we become old. . . . It’s what we call the human condition."

From what I've seen thus far, the publisher could market this book as a sleeping aid.

ZZZZZZZZZZ!

Why I Hate the Chicago Manual of Style

I had forgotten the rule on abbreviating certain titles. So I proceeded to section 15.13, which provides reason #3,985 for my hatred of the so-called guide:

Rep. Mark Kirk; Representative Kirk . . .

Senator Susan Collins ("Sen.," though used in journalism, is better avoided in formal prose)

It simply defies logic. And what the hell is formal prose? Anything not written on a napkin?

Let's add "CMS-induced frustration" to the inevitable duo of "death and taxes."

Mondo Loco Logo

Today's loser from the articles I've edited: "Sketch out you ideas for your logo one paper using colored markers."

Can you imagine if this writer were responsible for creating the logo.

A writer who no longer wants to contribute

From an article I'm editing: "Involvement in theater can attribute to future success for students."

Equal Opportunity Bad Writing

Oh, pity the poor writers who try their hardest to eliminate sexism from their work.

I just started editing a manuscript that is filled with well-intentioned but feeble attempts such as these: "the Congressman has his or her staff" and "Congress(wo)men."

English desperately needs a couple of new words to replace these and other similar conventions.

Where's Adam?

I just edited an article on how to remove old stain on a log cabin. The writer suggested starting "under the eve."

I think I'll have another cup of coffee first.

Found in my first online editing article of the week: "All three function in a similar manor."

Not ready for this yet.

A spammer who is particularly spelling challenged

These five consecutive subject lines represent an embarrassment of typographical riches that arrived this a.m. in my spam folder:

univesitby dipaloma
ubaanivesity diploma
univesitay diploma
univesitby bdiploma
univesiaty daiploma

What surely must be a very exciting job, posted on craigslist

Technical Writer Opening! (Falls Church, VA)

Approaching Milestone

I wanted to see if I've hit 3,000 articles yet for my freelance online editing gig.

Since starting last May 13, I've edited 2,796 articles. Based on an average of 350 words per article (could be more), I've edited close to one million words.

Prolonged drudgery does not equal accomplishment (but it will pay my income tax bills).

This image allegedly contains one million words:

What's good enough for George Costanza might be good enough for me!

I think going to church might be a better way to spend Sunday morning than editing.

Lazy Author Syndrome

I'm working on a manuscript that has 948 endnotes (68 pages long).

There is not a single note that contains the full reference for a work, that is, first and last name of author, complete title of the work, location and name of publisher, date of publication―all of which are included in the bibliography―and page numbers.

So I have to laboriously go back and forth between the notes and bibliography files to copy and paste the missing information.

This is yet another example of a manuscript that the acquisition editor should have returned to the author, for him to complete the notes in order to provide an acceptable piece of work.

When I ran this information past my managing editor, he referred to this author as one who suffers from Lazy Author Syndrome. I told him that we should refer to these authors as Lassies.

It's raining in my neighborhood . . .

And (from an article I just edited) I have just discovered something that might help me out: "These interest rates can be considered absorbent."

New client?

I think the company for which I edit online articles has one.

Titles such as "Why Is Profit Important in a Business?" (not made up) must be for www.theresnosuchthingasadumbquestion.com.

The Few. The Misunderstood. The Editors.

Here's an excerpt from an email I got from my brother. I didn't even acknowledge it when I answered his email.

"How is work? Any good books in the works? Maybe I can do some editing. I just read a Patterson book in 2 days. That is the fastest that I finished a novel. And I even found some errors in it."

I know how to drive. I think I'll enter the Indy 500.

Bud's Lexicon: An "R" Entry

retirement (n.): the condition of renewed exhaustion resulting from performing six months of full-time freelance editing after leaving full-time employment

Editing lapse or senior moment?

I opened up an online article to edit today. It was about the goals and objectives of a school board (redundant title; awful title writers at the company).

Recently, I've been doing loads of articles about classroom bulletin boards. I started reading the article: academic standards, budget information, relationships with the community and funding agencies, etc.

So I'm asking myself what in the world does this have to do with a bulletin board?

Uh huh. It happens to the best of us.

The Undeserving

Every time I read a thank-you "to my [Acquisitions] editor" in the Acknowledgments section of a book I'm editing, I want to scream.

The acquisitions editors bring in the work (quantity); we copy editors bring it up to publishing standards (quality).

Publishers should have a policy, written into their contracts with authors, stating that in the layout stage of a manuscript they will insert a standard shout-out for the copy editor and proofreader.

Attitude

I edited an article entitled, "English Bulletin Boards for the Classroom." The writer completely disregarded the rules about how to compose the text descriptions and URLs for the "References" and "Resources" sections which provide links for readers who want additional information.

I sent the article back to the writer to address the aforementioned issues.

The writer resubmitted the article without fixing anything and included this comment: "I taught 7th and 8th grade English for 9 years."

My comment to the writer in my rejection of the article, based on not responding to my request nor following the style guidelines, was: "'I taught 7th and 8th grade English for 9 years' does not respond to my request that you review the guidelines regarding References and Resources. . . . Describing a Reference as 'More ideas' leaves something to be desired in terms of piquing the reader's interest, as does 'Even more ideas' for the Resource."

The shoe's on the other foot now, Teach.

Back to the Future: the Manuscript

This excerpt from my freelance book editing colleague:

"Assuming his battle guard was no larger than what it was later, it numbered at most a thousand men."

That one shorts out my flux capacitor.

ISO . . .

Technical Writer Neededddd (Fairfax)

They also might need an editor, or perhaps someone to fix a sticky keyboard.

I love contributing to our educational system.

I just edited an article on "Soap Bubble Projects" for wee little school children.

Hopefully it will facilitate the development of the imagination of one of them, and that child will go on to lead our nation out of the darkness.

For want of a soap bubble, a nation can be lost. And you can quote me on that.

The World's Most Expensive Liquid?

(Follow up to "Tenacious," below)

Long story short. I saw an ophthalmologist today about "Dusty." It turns out I have some dry eye and a touch of blepharitis. She prescribed AzaSite.

It costs $99 for 2.5 milliliters. If my math is correct, that comes to $158,400 a gallon.

Tenacious

A speck of dust found its way onto my right cornea yesterday, and a stubborn little bastard he is.

A head-on, hurricane-force wind would be most welcome right about now.

Dusty is putting a crimp in my editing style.

Deep Questions

How many editors can dance on the head of a writer?

If an editor corrects a typo and no reader is aware that the typo ever existed, has the edit actually been made?

In sicness [sic] and in health

One of my fellow editors asked for my opinion the other day related to "[sic]." I've got her back, she's got mine.

V: Quoted material in MS: "Despite any efforts put into the surge, the first six months of 2007 was still. . ." Would you insert [sic] after "was"?

ME: Either that or just fix it without the sic, to not draw attention to it. Of course I couldn't find this in CM [Chicago Manual of Style], but aren't we allowed to simply fix errors of this kind?

V: So I should change the "was" to "were" and leave it at that? Suppose that would work.

ME: It works for me. Who's going to object?

A First in My 27 Years of Editing

As I approach the end of my first proofing pass through a horribly written book, I am struck by what a struggle it must have been for this poor schnook of an author to complete the book.

He reached down deep and employed redundancy and wordiness almost at will to reach the finish line.

And I almost wish I had been there to cheer him on. Almost.

After all these years, could I be mellowing? I hope not—too much empathy will destroy the gatekeeper.

A Winter’s Tale

(My brother editor, Kieran, from Ardfinnan in Ireland, sent me this email on the occasion of the snow storm that hit the mid-Atlantic region this weekend.)

Dear Bud,

Upon seeing reports of the storm—and I’m sure you grow weary of hearing it called the Snowpocalypse—it brought to mind a fond memory from my childhood.

On many a cold winter evening, with peat burning in the stove, Mam would add to the warmth of the fire by telling us stories which had been passed down through her family’s generations. Below is her favorite.

As you will see, it was tales such as this that helped put this wee little editor on the right path.

Best wishes, K

The Four Horsemen of the Commapocalypse

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Fer Manach, the four Royal Wordsmiths incurred the wrath of the mighty and feared Queen Marrigan when they submitted a particular weekly Queen's Report for her blessing before it was released to members of the Court.

Several of the Queen's closest handmaidens, hesitant yet obliged to deliver the report to Her Highness, forewarned her that she would not be amused by what she read.

Indeed, she was not. For what she saw in the wordsmiths' writing were more errors related to the use of the comma than all the potatoes in the Royal Garden.

Upon hearing of the Queen's displeasure, King Crimthand summoned the wordsmiths to Court and decreed the following:

Wordsmith Breccan, you are guilty of the incorrect placement of the comma, as you have scrivened, “Her Majesty wore a, purple gold and black, gown.”

Wordsmith Narbflaith: you are guilty of using a comma rather than a period, as you have scrivened, “Her Majesty reviewed the troops, She then presented Captain Muirgel with the Royal Cross.”

Wordsmith Tanaide, you are guilty of the omission of the needed comma, as you have scrivened, “Her Ladyship Rosaleen born and bred in Mide will accompany HRH to Temuir the capital of our western provinces.”

Wordsmith Larlug, you are guilty of over-using the comma, as you have scrivened, “Young, Prince, Ultan, has begun his, military training, at Castle Dunguaire in the, Arderins Mountains.”

These punctuational offenses leave me no choice but to ban you from Court until you return from the Great Royal Forest at Glencree, where you will meet for a fortnight to review the Royal Comma Rules.

You will each be provided a steed from the Royal Stables and will then proceed, respectively, to the East, West, North, and South Royal Entrances, after which you will navigate your way to the Royal Middle Forest Glen. Upon reaching the Glen, you will spend the aforementioned fortnight dedicated to mastering the Royal Comma Rules.

You will then immediately return to the Court Annex, at which time you will have five days to draft the next Queen's Report for Her Majesty’s handmaidens to review. May God have mercy on your souls if you have not heeded the Royal Comma Rules.

Ignorance can, indeed, be bliss.

The question is: Does an editor need to be well versed in a subject in order to successfully edit material related to that subject?

Some editors say yes, others no—for reasons that should be fairly obvious. And depending on context, our answer might change.

I believe how an editor views this depends in large part on our editorial mentors and how they defined the role of an editor. And, of course, that early influence is then tempered by our experience until we arrive at our approach to our role and to how we answer the above question.

Regarding my online article editing work, there is a seemingly limitless number of topics that end up in our editing queues, ten at a time. We can select any of them, and how we choose is, again, directly related to the question.

The other day, the following title appeared on my list: "Oracle SQL Tuning Tips." I know nothing about SQL.

Once we select an article, we own it and must edit it. There is no way to preview content. But given the title, I figured this had to be an extremely technical and esoteric article.

So I put on my "ignorant" hat and clicked on the title, taking comfort in knowing that I would not be held responsible for fact-checking or the accuracy of the content—just spelling, grammar, and structure per our editorial guidelines. Here's an excerpt:

If you're writing multiple table joins, make sure you consider the benefits for each EXISTS, IN, and table joins. IN is usually the slowest. Since the majority of filter criteria are in the parent-query, EXISTS will be the most efficient:

SELECT columns FROM tables WHERE EXISTS (sub-query);

After making several simple edits, I gave it an excellent rating, approved it, and submitted it for publication.

Exploitation Masquerading as a Job Ad

Editing is one of the few professions that requires job applicants, regardless of their experience, to take a test. Fair or not, that is the reality. Virtually every editor job I've applied for entailed a test.

Tests range from a relatively short spelling and grammar test up to what amounts to the prospective employer taking advantage of applicants by essentially getting them to edit an actual written product—in other words, the editor is providing his labor/editing gratis.

In a recent ad on Craigslist, the employer—a "leading publishing company of Urban Fiction" seeking to expand its "Reader Program"—asks applicants to provide certain material, including:

"An analysis of an Urban Fiction book—preferably a [company] title, but an analysis of any Urban Fiction book will be accepted. An analysis is a minimum 2-page examination of any combination of plot development, character development, writing style or themes that make the title successful. Please feel free to include critiques of the above elements regarding parts of the book that were not successful."

Exploitation by any other name . . .

How to Meet Contractual Obligations

By hook or by crook—or more specifically, by redundancy—the author of the book I'm currently proofing has met the word-count requirement.

All 143 pages are peppered with this sort of writing:

". . . no longer a capability of that office anymore." And, "Yet the diplomatic corps is also greatly at fault as well.

This brings to mind the phrase, "the letter, if not the spirit."

What's past is past.

My freelance colleague V is proofing a book I edited for the nonfiction publisher she and I work for. It was a horrible, messy manuscript: 12 or so different writers, with the lead writer/editor not doing squat to pull it together or even ensure that each chapter was "complete" in terms of the contractual agreement between himself and the company.

She asked me some questions regarding my editing approach to the book, particularly in the area of style. For the most part, I couldn't answer her questions.

Me to V: The reason I block out much of my work is simple: self-preservation, mental health, unloading baggage . . .

V to me: I have selective retention for the same reasons. If you're going to save brain "disk space" for important stuff—bank balances, TV schedules, birthdays, PIN numbers, for instance—gotta let the other stuff go. Can always look it up later if you need it.

The thrill is gone.

Got up early this morning to get a jump on my work.

I've completed one online article, sent two back for rewrites, and proofed four pages in my current book project.

I already need a work break.

The Meanness of Strangers

During my day off yesterday, I thought I'd check out Omegle, a variation on social networking where you can have a conversation with a stranger and "meet new friends."



With friends like that . . .

Editing-free Zone

I've declared my office as such today. The language cop needs a break.

Dondé está Manuel?

Craigslist wants to know.

Manuel, call ASAP. There's a job awaiting.

"Manuel/Curriculum Writer"

ICM

Right after I logged into Facebook around midnight, I stared at the screen and realized that I had reached my Internet Critical Mass.

ICM was brought about by the now overwhelming combination of the Gmail notifier, online editing, my news and music habits, blogging, Facebook, YouTube, Flickr, and Twitter, and probably more.

I'm pulling back, way back, before the Internet totally consumes me.

Less Net. More Movement.

A Noble Profession

I (and countless other editors) often complain about how our profession is a thankless one.

At best, we're invisible, taken for granted, overworked, underpaid, and unappreciated. At worst, well, the litany is too long and painful to get into here.

But there are days—and today is one of them for me—when my work transcends being just a job and feels like the noble profession that it truly is.

This morning I've been doing my online article editing. And my article queue has been a blessing of a kind, a true gift from above. It has been rife with articles that, through my editing, will, I believe, enrich the lives of the those poor computer-challenged souls, some of whom might be developmentally challenged as well. To wit:

• "How to Read Help Files on Vista"


• "How to End a Software Installation in Progress"


• "How to Delete All Messages in Outlook Express at Once"

My cup runneth over.

Dead Man Walking Dumb Man Reading

To borrow a phrase in order to summarize the ruling principle on the use of arguably the most hated punctuation mark:

It’s better that 10 dumb men not be confused than one intelligent man be insulted.

(Hyphen Day continued below.)

Will you take the Pledge?

Pain in the ass

In recent days I've been at the computer way too many hours, for long uninterrupted stretches at a time.

My gluteus maximus muscles have become gluteus minimus.

This is one of those times when less is not more, but is in fact less.

Sometimes editors complain about their minds turning to mush. News flash: Mush can spread.

Multiple choice quiz

Which would you rather do?

___ Have a root canal done?

___ Go through a lengthy manuscript and replace hundreds of linked footnote numbers with unlinked superscript numbers?

Milestone of sorts

As of this morning, I've edited 2,010 articles for my online editing gig, which began last May 13.

I can say without hesitation that, as a result, I now know hardly anything about a great many more subjects.

SAFE Holidays

The Society of Associated Freelance Editors today released its 2010 holiday schedule.

In a press release, SAFE president Zsolt Vahlqist stated in part: "These special days are not holidays in the traditional sense, that is, days off. Nevertheless, we are encouraging all of our members to celebrate them in their own special ways for what they are—the work-at-home freelancers' substitution for the variety of occasions celebrated throughout the year by their office-bound counterparts."

• 1/20: Love Your Computer Day



• 2/17: Bring Your Dust Bunny to Work Day



• 3/30: Ignore Email Day



• 4/16: Staff Meeting Day



• 6/17: Plastic Bag Lunch Day



• 7/23: Oil Your Desk Chair Day



• 8/6: Clement Weather Day



• 8/18: Uncasual Day



• 9/27: Annual Happy Hour (1-2 P.M.)



• 10/8: Eight-Hour Coffee Break Day



• 10/29: Unhalloween Day



• 11/29: Staff Appreciation Day



• 12/23: Overt Santa Day

The Wall

As I'm wrapping up a book edit on the history of Major League Soccer, a very familiar feeling has crept into my effort. And it's fitting that a sports book has spawned that sensation, one I remember all too well from my personal sports experience.

Back in '83 I ran the Marine Corps Marathon in D.C. Like so many marathoners, I hit "The Wall" at the 20-mile mark and then hung on for the remaining 6.2 miles, somehow conjuring up some adrenaline for a strong finish.

The Wall came 76.3 percent into the marathon. It just occurred to me that I usually hit my book-editing wall at just about the same point.

So I'll keep scrolling through the MS, hit one key after another, and then dig deep within to find the energy for a sprint to the finish line.

Long-distance running and manuscripts into the hundreds of pages: no pain, no gain.

This hurts my brain.

From an article I'm editing on how to install a modem in a computer running Linux:

Step 11

Edit the file "etc/ppp/options" so it contains the following lines:

debug - log transactions to /var/log/messages
/dev/ttyS1 - ( S1 = COM2, S2 = COM3, S3 = COM4)
115200 - Baud rate. Max supported bu UART chipset, not modem.
modem - Serial link is connected to a modem
crtscts - Use hardware flow control (RTS and CTS) to control serial line
asyncmap 0 - Choice of mapping of control characters
defaultroute - PPP becomes the default route to the internet
noipdefault - Not a static IP address. IP address assigned by ISP.
lock - Don't let other processes besides PPP use device (/var/lock/)
connect "/usr/sbin/chat -v -t 240 -f /etc/ppp/chat-isp"

2009's Least Helpful Help

It's a toss-up.

First up, there's Word Help. (How do you construct a macro? How do you convert straight quotation marks to curlies in existing text?)

And, of course, contending is the Chicago Manual of Style. There are so many times when (1) what I'm looking for is not in the index location that most reasonable people would expect it to be, and (2) CMS equivocates on rule after rule.

These tools of my trade need some serious sharpening.

Stop. Go directly to syntax jail. Do not pass go.

A title writer (for my online article editing job) apparently has reached his limit in terms of articles about investing.

To wit: "Rules for Stopping the Stock Market."

Or perhaps he just had his fill of holiday shopping.

Where Bad Writing Goes To Die

Here's how my online article editing job works in terms of article selection.

After I log in, I pull up my queue which contains ten titles ready for editing. I can select any one of the ten. Once I pick one, I can do one of three things with it: edit/approve/submit it, edit it and submit it to the writer for a rewrite (this generally seeks clarification), or save it back to the hold area of my queue. If I choose the latter, I have 24 hours to edit it.

If, however, I don't return to that article within 24 hours, it will go back into general circulation for another editor to select.

It is reasonable to conclude that many editors use this option to avoid working on articles that are so badly written, they can't bear the thought of spending an inordinate amount of time to salvage them. After all, we're paid per article, so working on articles of this nature cuts deeply into our hourly pay.

I exercised this option today with an article about online banking. The introduction contained these nuggets:

"Traditional banking and all it alludes is slowly becoming a thing of the past." And: "Online banking gives you access to self serving features."

That was more than enough for me to send the article post haste to the Death Pool. I would imagine that there are some articles out there that don't see the light of day for quite a while, as one editor after another throws them into the dark abyss.

Working at home, cont'd

Seasonal upside: I don't have to deal with that Secret Santa crap and devote precious brain power to decide what to buy for an a'hole co-worker.

MY Three Sirens

I may have left FT employment, but my freelance editing requires at least as much time as I was putting in on my job prior to "retirement."

Today, for example, I spent five hours copy editing on my current book project, then many more hours editing sixteen online articles followed by seven mystery shopper reports (my latest freelance job).

Sometimes I think it would be better to simply crash into the rocks. This is a ridiculous way to spend my "golden years."

Call me Ishmael Odysseus.

Napalm by any other name

To paraphrase Robert Duvall's "Lt. Col. Bill Kilgore" in "Apocalypse Now": I love the smell of an egregious error in the morning. It smells like . . . stupidity.

I just edited an article on teaching kids about rivers. It contained this: "Advanced transportation such as airplanes has reduced our alliance on rivers."

She's not heavy. She's one of my writers.

I just edited an article for my online content job. It was written by an "experienced and published" writer (according to her bio). The article was on meteorological science projects for school kids.

In the 350-word article, she consistently misspelled lightning as lightening.

The company needs to lighten its load of these writing hacks. Either that, or hope for lightning to strike some of them.

This is why I double-lock the door to my sixth-floor balcony.

Here's an excerpt from a short online article I'm copy editing:

"Succeed in area competitions and make you'll be on you way up the latter to compete at the highest rungs of the spelling bee circuit."

The article is entitled, "What Are the Benefits of Participating in a Spelling Bee?"

And it continued in that vein to the very end.

An Idea Whose Time Has Come

I just started editing a new manuscript. I was immediately faced with huge swaths of quoted material without references.

I think it's time that our profession organize in an attempt to stop this crap from reaching our desks, computers, mailboxes, whatever.

And I have the perfect name for our organization:

Factoid

I was just listening to an interview on NPR during which the guest repeatedly said, "In point of fact."

Let me state for the record that, in actual fact, that expression quickly grew old.

As a matter of fact, I turned off the radio.

In fact, excessive verbiage, be it written or verbal, always should be avoided.

Illiterates need not apply.

A public health research and consulting firm in northern Virginia is seeking a senior editor.

One of the required qualifications is "fluency in written and oral English."

I wonder if the firm has less stringent requirements for editors below the senior level.

Commiserating

(A short conversation with two of my kindred spirits.)

ME (to V and J): "One's standards cannot possibly be maintained for two months!" In other words, and as you know, when we're working on a piece of crap for what feels like forever, we reach a point when we pretty much go into an auto mode just to get the damned thing done. At that point, many of the items on our "final checklist" somehow don't seem necessary any longer.

V: That’s because at that point they aren’t necessary!

ME: And that begs the question, debated ad nauseum by our brethren and sistren, How much of what we do is truly necessary?

J: Depends—if you ask the general stupido, s/he will say barely anything; just catch the typos. If you ask those who know (writers, for instance), they’ll say a lot, “as long as it isn’t my writing!”

Relativity

Ten days is an eternity when, for example, you're counting down to the start of a vacation or the delivery of a new car.

Ten days go by in a flash as you frantically deal with all that remains to complete the editing of a 400-page manuscript.

One look at what remains on your To Do list in relation to the calendar begs the question, "What have I been doing for the past three weeks?"

My Work Queue

When I log in to my online article-editing account, I have a list of ten article titles, each of which needs to be edited.

The titles cover a seemingly endless variety of topics, literally almost anything you can think of. For example, yesterday I edited articles on various aspects of computer use, investing in the stock market, foreign currency exchange, auto maintenance, and more.

Since we are paid on a per-article basis, no doubt each editor has figured out an approach to article selection that is designed to maximize hourly earnings.

Given that one of our responsibilities is fact checking, I would think that most editors lean toward subjects with which they're familiar, at least as far as a title can suggest, and away from the opposite, which might require more fact checking.

Many titles are questions, the answer to which presumably is provided in the article; for example, "How do I apply for Medicare?" So another "test" (i.e., criterion) that I use in selecting a title is to ask myself, How likely is it that the question can be adequately answered in the article?

Which brings me to My not-to-be-touched-with-a-10ft-pole title of the day for yesterday: "List of Jobs Requiring a Bachelor's Degree."

What do you think, about a gazillion jobs condensed into a few hundred words?

Rt. 1 South, Revisited

Many years ago I had a job with hours that ended in the middle of the night. The drive home, from Edison to Trenton, New Jersey, was about 20 miles. It was a straight shot down Rt. 1 South, with virtually no other vehicles.

I would occasionally doze off for a few seconds, and then awaken in a panic and feeling grateful to be alive. I often wondered if I had run a red light or narrowly missed a collision during my brief naps.

Editing can, at times, be like that drive home. To wit: I just edited (I hope) a number of articles, including the titles, "How To Remove Rust from Brakes," "How To Use Derivatives To Manage Foreign Exchange," and "NASDAQ Technical Analysis."

I had a good night's sleep, it's only about 10 a.m., and yet I find myself driving my '67 Triumph TR4A, top down, right into the arms of Morpheus.

Did you know that most editors have a strong death wish?

From an article I'm editing on paper vs. electronic medical records:

"Electronic records are more efficient than paper because it makes the files easier to read, more assessable and improves on the overall quality of the patience’s files for diagnosis research." Not to mention the subject-verb disagreement.

When I encountered that sentence, I saved the file, turned off my computer, and double-locked the door to my balcony. I live on the sixth floor of an apartment building.

Election Day 2009

My vote goes for healthcare.

C'mon, AP, New York Times, and others. Jump on the band wagon. You know that the demise of "health care" is imminent. Please give it a terminal nudge.

The fact that virtually no one uses a hyphen in health care reform is proof that "health care" is seen/read/understood as "healthcare."

This kind of writing grates on me.

From an article I'm editing on email newsletters:

"Email is a great way to communicate. Newsletters are a great way to let people know what is going on in the world, with your company and so on. Put them both together and a great many benefits arise out of them." (Emphasis added.)

I encounter a great many articles whose writers have neither a great vocabulary nor a great degree of original thought.

Phrase of the Day

From an article I just edited on neck exercises: ". . . spinning your head from one side to the other."

It's perfect for Halloween weekend, and it brings to mind "The Exorcist."

Good thing my stomach's empty, otherwise I might projectile . . .

Editors are a lonely bunch.

The American Editors Association has released its 2009 "Annual Survey of Favorite Works of Art."

"In a word, alienation," is how AEA President Giuliana Manfredini characterized the survey results. Manfredini elaborated: "We have seen over the past few years, the survey trending slightly in this direction. But for a variety of reasons—some market and some economy driven—the dam seems to have broken last year, carrying our members to a very dark place insofar as their selections."

Here, then, are the top 10:

1. Edvard Munch’s "The Scream"

2. Pink Floyd’s "Another Brick in the Wall"

3. "The Prisoner"’s assertion, "I am not a number—I am a free man!"

4. The Beatles’ "Nowhere Man"

5. Edward Everett Hale’s The Man Without a Country

6. Ralph Ellison’s Invisible Man

7. The Coen Brothers’ "The Man Who Wasn’t There"

8. Bob Seger’s "Feel Like a Number"

9. Thomas Harris’s The Silence of the Lambs

10. Robert Heinlein’s Stranger in a Strange Land

The survey, to which nearly 80,000 editors responded, asked members to identify their top pick from the fields of literature, film, music, TV, or any other artistic medium of their choice.

Overheard at the Carets & Styx

A couple of days ago, I was at my favorite hangout, the devilishly fun café for editors, when I listened in on a conversation between two of my peers.

EDITOR 1: The writer I’m dealing with now is a real bitch. She’s insulting, patronizing, and never answers my queries.

EDITOR 2: You're preaching to the choir, honey. If we had a nickel, huh.

EDITOR 1: At the risk of sounding sexist, maybe she needs to get laid.

EDITOR 2: I need to get laid! But I digress. I'm making a note to myself on this. There has got to be a relationship between the sexual activity or inactivity of writers and how they relate to their editors.

EDITOR 1: Let's call Trish over at the Sosh Department to see if this has some research grant potential.

Best of the Week's Bios

The writers who pen the articles I edit for my online editing gig include a short bio at the end of their articles. Here are the gems from the past week:

Writing has been a means of refuge for [him] since he can remember. [He] opined, "It leads to self-realization which begets clarity which begets understanding that drives serviceability."

[He] continues to share his love for the Houston Rockets in his writing.

[He] wants to be the catalyst that propels amazing stories.

I loved a good granola long before I attended UC Berkeley.

This was a fairly wast assignment. I finished my business finance class a week ago. Make an recommendation you fell are necessary.

She possesses a Master's Degree in Education with a minor in English, as well as a Bachelor's Degree in Education as well.

I am a Behavior Analyst and proud owner of an English Bulldog, who inspires much of my writing.

My ability to type is 45+ wpm.

I hope to one day find a box of money.

Why I Love Apple

Zen and the art of editor maintenance

I recently encountered a sentence in an article I was editing that stopped me in my editing tracks by its multi-dimensional profundity:

The best form of security for a computer file is for the file to have never existed on the computer.

Before I could move ahead, I needed to call up a couple of my friends to see if they could unlock the mystery of that text.

Drago Kovic is a philosophy professor at Georgetown whose most popular class is on the roots of existentialism. Florian Stocchi is a consultant to DoD on matters of cyber warfare. The following is the gist of what they had to say.

DRAGO: The phrase "never existed on the computer" implies that the file existed elsewhere. But if it's a "computer file," where can it exist other than on a computer?

FLORIAN: If the concern is the security of files on a computer, but this file existed somewhere off of the computer, then why would it need any security at all?

DRAGO: And if it doesn't need any security because it exists somewhere other than on the computer, in essence and for purposes of this analysis, it is nonexistent.

FLORIAN: I concur. In that case, there is no need to even consider its security.

As I expected, Drago and Florian pointed me in the only direction possible. I deleted the sentence from the article.

Sailing Solo

I received my final paycheck today from my former employer.

The U.S.S. Bud is now officially a rogue ship broken off from the mother fleet.

Coming about. Hard alee!

Diminishing Returns

I am convinced that my 26 years of editorial experience is working against me in terms of seeking another FT job, especially in today's declining job market.

As to required experience, job ads often indicate that the employer is looking for an editor with perhaps 8 to 10 years, tops.

Anything above that would, in most employers' view, put a very experienced editor way beyond the top of their salary range.

And as someone who has hired and managed editors, even I would admit that I'd probably hire an editor with 8, as opposed to 26 years of experience. If that candidate has been in the field that long and has advanced in her career, she'd fit the bill just fine.

We've heard of job hunters who "dumb down" their resumes by removing post-graduate degrees to eliminate the possibility that they will be viewed, for example, as too smart, over-qualified, and likely to be bored.

I suppose I could delete 10 years or so from my resume. But I value all of it, and it shows a long, accomplished career. I do not want to deny so much of my professional life.

In the words of Colonel Kurtz, "The horror, the horror."

After close to two months, the worst project (a book on W's defense program) I've had for my nonfiction book editing job is complete.

Now the question is, What would be a fitting end for the hard copy?


I'm thinking of going to a local park that has BBQ grills, getting naked, and then dancing around the flames as they rise to appease the Goddess of Fire.

An author in search of syntax, among other things

I just edited an article (for my online editing gig) written by someone who, according to his brief bio, "enjoyed a liberal arts education at Miami University."

Based on the barely acceptable quality of his writing, I'd hazard a guess that he indeed enjoyed his time at Miami. Whether he actually graduated is an open question.

Is it just me?

Or do you, too, find this headline somewhat judgmental?

From today's New York Times: "Pittsburgh Is Calm After Day of Raucous Protests"

I had to double-check the definition: disagreeably harsh or strident; boisterously disorderly

I guess TPTB would be happier if the protests were agreeably less harsh, boisterously orderly, agreeably orderly, agreeably strident, or didn't f***ing take place at all.

This cloud has no silver lining.

Editing of the Bush book (see entry below) continues apace toward the deadline a week from today. Nothing further needs to be said about the horrific task of moving and renumbering the nearly 600 notes. This is one of those tasks that befalls all of us from time to time—the necessary-evil aspect of an otherwise tolerable project.

It is the rare occasion when we can figure a way out of or around these kinds of responsibilities.

I did just that when I lived in DC. I got sick and tired of spending hours in line, at the city-run inspection stations, waiting to get my cars and motorcycles inspected every year. So I paid a guy $40 each year to do it for me. (VA is a relative joy: car inspection at most gas stations.)

I wonder if Mr. Inspection does book notes. I'd hire him in a NY minute!

HTML = Hell Toucheth My Life

I have about a week and half to finish editing a book on Bush II's defense program. It's been a tough project.

The manuscript is about 425 pages, by ten writers in addition to the book's editor. Most problematic for me is that, as is too often the case, the manuscript did not conform to submission requirements. For example, all graphics embedded in text need to be moved to separate file, and all footnotes need to converted to endnotes with the accompanying renumbering.

I thought I'd take an editing break today to do some HTML coding. But . . .

Prepping the MS
HTML time
Mind numbing horrific task
The editor's bane

If paper shredders could speak

I received a gift from the gods on Monday. Given that there's absolutely no work going on in the proposal center, and my MoronManager wants me out of her hair ASAP, she told me I needn't come into the office through my scheduled final day, 9/11.

So Monday was my last day at the worst job I've ever had (extensively documented on this blog). The very last thing I did as I headed for the exit was surprisingly more satisfying than I had anticipated.

I took two of my friends and walked them over to the paper shredder. I gave one my 1/08 offer letter for this job and the other a letter informing me, earlier this year, that I was going to receive a bonus (insultingly puny) for all of my hard work. They proceeded in turn to feed one and then the other document to the shredder.


As the second document was nearly ingested, the shredder stopped. The paper had to be jiggled back and forth, the on-off switch was hit again, and the shredder finished its job.

I like to think that the shredder was choking on my personal as well as the collective negative energy of the staff.

Persona non grata (yet one more last time)

Ten days to go before I leave my hellish FT job, so perhaps there will be another similar entry. But for today, we have this little, telling story.

In the weekly staff meeting, my MoronManager announced that today is the last day for one of our proposal coordinators. LR came in as a temp-to-perm, has done a bang-up job, and is yet another competent professional driven out by, among other things, the gross incompetence of my IdiotManager.

I am leaving next week, but my MentallyChallengedManager said nary a word about my imminent departure.

Oh, how I'd love to be around when the first big proposal blows up in her face. A proposal center without a FT editor; makes perfect sense in her world, wherever that might be.

Sometimes one too is one too many.

I see this construction more than I'd like to:

Not only will you feel better, you'll also be helping others too.

also + too = adrenaline rush

Breathe in, breathe out . . .

As easy as 1-2-3. Nope.

Back in 2003, after leaving a job under far from ideal circumstances, I wrote that among Bud's Life Rules are Three Keys to Job Survival:


One: Never disagree with your supervisor.
Two: Never question your supervisor.
Three: Never refuse your supervisor.

I had seen over several decades of working that those three rules came into play everywhere I had ever worked. To my mind, they are universal. And I have broken them on nearly every professional job I've had, including my current, and final, FT job.

So this begs the question, If I have learned these lessons why have I not applied them?

The answer is simple: Because I believe behavior based on values such as doing the right thing, fairness, and honesty—to name just a few—apply even and perhaps especially in the office.

Anyone who wants to live (read: dead souls walking) by the three keys must succumb to the three P’s that are the foundation of most offices: power, position, and politics.

Further, the dead souls must check at the door every single day any expectations they might have related to humanity, integrity, and other values that most of us strive for.

I may have failed to apply lessons learned, but I have never prostituted my value system for the sake of a paycheck.

Do I hear Old Blue Eyes singing "My Way"?

Ten (among many more) things

September 11 is my final day as a FT, company-employed editor. I will not miss the following (in random order because I’m too lazy to sort in any meaningful order):

Supervised by a “manager” who personifies the Peter Principle

Told, “You decide [a style point], you’re the editor,” and then being overruled by illiterate proposal managers

Underappreciated, undervalued, and underpaid

Editing writing by people who don’t know the difference between, for example, its and it’s, their and there

Working with incompetent temp editors

Rarely, if ever, being thanked

Trying to educate people about the time required to do quality editing

Working with graphic designers and desktop publishers who never proof their own work

Working with managers and coordinators who won’t enforce version control, thereby giving writers access to files after my final edit

Writing and updating style guides no one adheres to, let alone reads

This headline could send passiphobics into shock.

"Positives are many to Texas Rangers acquiring Pudge Rodriguez" (from somewhere online)

Le mot juste

For security purposes, my company requires us to change our passwords every 45 days.

Since I'm leaving 9/11, I just made my final change:

colormegone

Pretty young blue-eyed things with long blond hair and longer legs

As you walk around the corridors of my company, you can't help but notice an abundance of these abundantly blessed nubiles.

And they're rarely alone. They attract the dirty young and old men, and occasionally their female counterparts, like flypaper.

We have two staff writers in the proposal center. They sit around with nothing to do most of the time.

Despite that, our manager just hired another writer—the daughter of one of our proposal managers. She's a recent college grad with a journalism major. She has virtually no relevant work experience, but she is a pretty young blue-eyed thing with long blond hair and longer legs.

Do blonds really have more fun? Perhaps. But one thing's for sure—at my company they seem to have plenty of career opportunities.

9/21 Update: The favorite daughter (above) has, according to my manager's direction, been given some editing to do. She's helping out with the crush of work we have this week. She was not asked to speak with me first, nor has she. My money's on her being my replacement. This would save my manager from finding an editor, paying an agency for a temp to perm, etc., and, most importantly from actually needing to fully think out something.

So the proposal center will go from having an editor with 26+ years of experience to one with none. It makes perfect sense in the Bizarro World of my manager and soon to be former employer.

Persona non grata (one last time)

I turned in my resignation on Monday. My final day as the government proposal editor for the IT company will be 9/11. I picked that date for its obvious symbolism. It changed our lives forever. Leaving this god-awful job will do the same for me.

When I told my manager, her only words were, "I was just getting used to the idea that you were going to be around for a while."

I could not have hoped for a better, more representative, ending statement from this dolt whom I have endured since January '08.

After twenty months, she finally realizes that I'm actually there. Well, not quite, because as she puts it, it's merely "the idea" that I'm there.

This does not bode well for the day.

I just logged on to the website for my Web-based freelance gig to do some editing.

Here's the opening sentence of the first article in my queue that I clicked on this morning (topic is where to buy a laptop):

"Whether you buying that first laptop or getting one for your personal need’s."

It continued in that vein for several hundred more words.

Proof that anyone can call herself a writer, and often get paid as one.

When we means me (and certainly not you)

(Update to entry immediately below.)

The most senior (and influential with executive management) proposal manager and I had a back-and-forth in which she essentially argued for the "grammatically correct but inconsistent appearing" approach and I repeated my recommendation.

She wrote, in part, "I say we talk about it next week and make a decision that we can work with."

For twenty months I have been told repeatedly, "You're the editor. You decide." Most of my style recommendations has been rejected for reasons that have nothing to do with style rules or logic. In total, those rejections have rendered completely meaningless, my role as the "gatekeeper of style."

That resistance and unwillingness to grant me the authority that should go with my responsibility, flows almost completely from the inability of the proposal center manager to tell our stakeholders in no uncertain terms that the editor who has twenty-six years of experience will make decisions of this kind.

It's called a "bulleted" list for a reason.

The reason being that, in far too many instances, when I encounter one I feel like putting a bullet in my head!

Not unexpectedly, the bulleted list continues to rear its ugly head in the proposal center on a regular basis.

So I finally reiterated what I recommended shortly after walking in the door at the beginning of last year. Here's my email to the entire proposal center and related management:

"There has been some feedback this week about inconsistency regarding punctuation in bulleted lists. The inconsistency is due in part to two editors working on a proposal and, importantly, the absence of any hard-and-fast rule regarding this most difficult of style issues.

"In all my years of editing, I have seen just one rule that works and is easy to remember: NO CLOSING PUNCTUATION FOR ANY AND ALL ITEMS ON THE LIST. That rule came about after many months of agonizing debate among a group of eight editors I worked with. Finally, we agreed on two things: (1) there is no right or wrong answer on this; rather, it is a question of personal preference; and (2) we needed a rule that all writers and editors could easily remember and apply.

"This would apply to sentences and non-sentences alike, and items that are questions similarly end with no punctuation.

"The first word of every item has an initial capital letter. Items do not end with a semi-colon; the penultimate item does not end with a semi-colon followed by "and".

"So, my strong, unequivocal recommendation is NO CLOSING PUNCTUATION FOR ANY AND ALL ITEMS ON THE LIST.

"Any other approach produces one of two results, both of which I consider unacceptable. First, if we end every item (even just one word) with a period, it looks consistent but is grammatically incorrect.

"Second, if we are grammatically correct and only use periods for items on a list that are complete sentences, then it looks inconsistent.

"That's my two cents, and I'm sticking with it!"

Feed me! Feed me!

I read an article many years ago in which a psychiatrist wrote that the reason children steal from their parents (e.g., money from wallets/handbags, expensive cosmetics) is that they're not getting the love they need and want, and the object they steal is a surrogate for the missing love. That article came to mind the other day in the context of free lunch in the office.

The proposal center has more "war rooms" (i.e., meeting rooms for proposal development teams) than we actually need, given the small number of proposals in the works at any given time. So folks from all parts of the company frequently use those rooms for meetings. And they usually ask our AA to order lunch for them. So there's often lots of good food in the office. This is why most of us are dieting!

Since we're not getting the "love" (read: respect, management, leadership, bonuses/good raises, and truth) we need from our manager, we're "stealing" it. Like long-lost desert wanderers spotting an oasis, we rush to the kitchen as soon as the catered lunch arrives, stealing some of the food before the meeting folk get to it.

This prompted our manager to fire off this missive:

"If you are not a participant of the meeting being conducted, please do not take from the catering before checking with me first.  We have received several complaints that the food has been picked over before the attendees have had a chance to eat. Others can eat only AFTER ALL of the participants from the meeting have taken their food."

My response to my coworkers reflects the group's sentiment:

"I guess WE THE UNWASHED probably shouldn’t even COME OUT OF OUR CAVES AND POLLUTE THE AIR until the Lords and Ladies of the Manor are safely ensconced in the Castle Towers.

"Humbly,

"I remain Budrick, the unworthy and filthy servant of My Beneficent Lady of Fairfaxshire"

Four Letters, Four Errors; or, Why I Hate Editing Govt. Proposals

The proposal I edited yesterday responds to a Request for Proposal entitled, "[govt. agency] Status Determination Support, Et. Al"

That title appears on the cover page, in a host of supporting documents, and in every single page header.

I was told in no uncertain terms by both the proposal manager and the proposal center manager that I can't change Et. Al to et al. That would be "correcting" the government—a no-no.

In addition, et al. is used incorrectly, as the proposal relates to providing support, among other things, not support and a bunch of people.

It is incomprehensible that, during the entire (and undoubtedly very lengthy) process that ended with the release of the RFP, no one spotted these egregious errors.

The jury hands down its decision

I was looking for an old classic New York Times article on copy editing (not found) when I came across this headline from 10/30/63:

"COPY EDITOR FOUND GUILTY OF CONTEMPT"

That would pretty much be the ruling if the "12 Angry Men" were writers who had to have their work edited.

Former House Ways & Means Committee staffer turned freelance writer?

Sometimes within a sentence or two, I regret having clicked on a particular title in my article queue (for my online editing job). Usually that which starts badly only gets worse.

To wit: The introduction to an article on roundtable conferences includes, "This process is a peaceful one, sometimes heated, yet it's a ways to a means."

That phrase could only work as a response to the following question posed to a hitchhiker by a lost motorist: "Excuse me. Could you tell me how far it is to Ameenz?"

"A bug on the windshield of life"

You've heard it, you've said it, you've been there. And the reason the expression reads exactly that way is no doubt explained in an article (in my queue for my online editing gig) I simply can't bring myself to click on: "Reasons Why a Fly Doesn't Smack Against the Back Window of a Car."

Call me a coward if you will. Say I have no sense of adventure, that I'm incurious. I fear if I were to edit this article, I would tell the author, in my rewrite request, to add a warning relating to what happens if you put your car in reverse and put the pedal to the metal.

1000+ is the new 500

In my freelance editing of articles for posting to the Internet, I've been getting slammed in recent days by articles way over the suggested word count. These articles read like treatises.

I return the articles to the writers and politely request a rewrite, and suggest that they review the appropriate style guide. What I feel like writing is RTFSG!

Writers: can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

"All you've done is editing."

I had a so-called mid-year review with my manager last week.

Her assessment was peppered with language about being a team player, chipping in, stepping it up, and so forth. Not a word was uttered about my editing.

Her view is that the editing workload in the proposal center is generally very light. She is one of the unenlightened who thinks editing takes no time or effort. Thus, she broached the subject of redefining my role.

She said, "Looking at your resume, I see that all you've done is editing." The emphasis is hers.

This trivializing and undervaluing editing is not uncommon. But I have never worked anywhere as an editor (since 1983) where this view was as prevalent as it is in my shop.

It is very likely that the name of this blog will change in very short order.

The gatekeepers have misplaced the keys.

One of editing's occupational challenges is to learn and apply any number of different style guides when moving from one employer to the next, depending on particular house style preferences. There's AP, GPO, and Chicago style guides, to name just a few.

Being responsible for riding herd on style is a process of learning, unlearning, relearning, etc.

Take that challenge and increase it by an order of magnitude, and you've got the nearly impossible juggling act that me and my fellow copy editors (for the freelance, online content editing I do) are responsible for.

We currently have no less than sixteen sets of guidelines. These comprise: eleven categories of articles (how to, about, fact sheet, etc.); two blacklists (competitor websites never to be cited); and the house, image, and references guidelines. Plus, we must absorb and apply whatever information and/or feedback that our roughly 400 peers receive from our various team leaders or glean from looking at other forums on our website in addition to our own for copy editors.

Many of our forum posts reflect the sheer frustration of trying to sort out an incredible amount of information.

I'm hard pressed to recall any time since '83 (when I started my editing career) that so much effort has gone into so few words (the articles are from about 150 to 400 words). Much of that effort involves just preparing to edit.

To borrow a phrase from William Wordsworth, "The style guides are too much with us."

The Mother of All Mental Lapses

I'm a very good job hunter. I've got the resume/cover letter/phone screening/interview drill well in hand, with the results to prove it.

However, this past week I made a mistake for which I'll be beating myself up for a while.

I'm in the process of putting in place a number of permanent part-time freelance positions that will enable me to move away from FT employment toward a semi-retirement supported by several income streams.

One of my current freelance jobs (previously written about here) is for a West Coast media company that provides content to many websites. I edit short articles for the company.

I found an identical position posted on craigslist for a Boston company looking for copy editors. I applied online. And then I realized that, indeed, I had taken leave of my senses when I composed the email cover letter.

Among other things I wrote: "I am most interested in the copy editor position and am currently doing similar work for a company on the West Coast."

Let's rewrite that, shall we, for a tip on how not to get a job: "I'm working for one of your competitors."

Wishing you were here: You'd be more than welcome to act on the "Kick Me" sign on my butt.

Stop. Now go.

The author of the book I'm currently editing consistently does a bizarre thing with em dashes.

She basically understands that one of the em's proper uses is to indicate an interruption or a sudden change of thought.

However, her execution of the em's function is literally halfhearted. For example, she writes, "These differences—as in concepts of time--need to be understood to make social interactions easier."

Why the double dash rather than the em to finish the interruption? All I can think of is that it's her way of first saying, "Stop and take note of this break," and then giving us the go-ahead to proceed to the rest of the sentence.

I have a feeling that she's never run a red light.

More from the illiterate who evaluates me

Email to the team:

[Misspelled name] has declined the proposal coordinator position, but has agreed to stay on as a consultant until we find a replacement. Loni’s last day as a temp-associate is Friday, July 17, on Monday she will convert to a consultant, her email will most likely change to UCON after her name.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

As a matter of fact, I do have questions: (1) Do you realize you've strung three sentences together? (2) Can you define "sentence"? (3) What's with the commas in place of periods? (4) Why don't you have the decency and respect to spell staff names correctly? (5) How in the world do you keep your job?

These gems just in, from the latest of her emails today: less then one year; They just need to make sence.

The most thankless profession

I've been doing freelance nonfiction book editing since April '08 and just started my twentieth book.

Yesterday I received my first thank-you, from a co-author of the nineteenth book.

One out of nineteen: It doesn't make it all worthwhile, but it helps a bit.

I've been an editor since '83 and understand that this is a profession in which its practitioners are judged primarily by their mistakes, not by their contributions. I can live with that.

Anyone who needs to be thanked for a job well done needn't apply.

comm·a·tose

Pronunciation: ˈkah-mə-tōs
Function: adjective
Etymology: French comateux, from Greek kōmat-, kōma
Date: 2009
1 : characterized by lethargic inertness (The commatose editor reached a point where he didn't have the wherewithal to decide whether to insert or delete commas in the book he was editing.)

And how, you might ask, did I come down with this affliction?

First, the style at my FT job is to use the serial (aka Harvard or Oxford) comma.

Second, one of freelance employer's style uses the serial, the other doesn't.

Third, some style guides give it a thumbs up, others don't, and still others don't even have a thumb.

Such a tiny little punctuation mark, yet so problematic.

This is the person who reviews my performance.

I did a quick edit of a "white paper" my manager sent to me at 3:30—quick because it was 12 pages and I had to leave at 4 sharp.

She still can't grasp the concept that editing takes time. I've talked up my varying "pages per hour" capability (depending on the level of effort required), but to no avail. This is as close to truly talking to a wall as I've ever been. Back to the point.

The title of the article contained "Area Processing Center (APC)." Throughout the article there were singular (APC) and plural references (APCs).

After I submitted the paper to her she asked me why, as the title contained "APC," I added "s" in many places. I actually had to explain that there is more than one APC.

I call them Hackquisition Editors.

The publishing company for which I do freelance book editing has, as do all publishers, acquisition editors. They're responsible for bringing in titles to be published.

The AEs are supposed to reject (or return for additional work) manuscripts that do not meet the company's submission guidelines and requirements.

Based on what I've seen in my year and a half with the company, it's clear that quotas trump quality. I've worked on some manuscripts whose authors could write the book on how not to write a book.

The MTF

Along with the manuscript, the editors receive from the AEs a "Manuscript Transmittal Form" which contains design and production details and, importantly, notes to the editor (e.g., level of effort required, things to look out for, author's history with the company).

The MTF is supposed to be based on a thorough manuscript review by the AE. I have not seen one yet that accurately reflected the work actually required on a manuscript. What I have seen, however, are a few edits in a book's foreword or preface made by the AE to indicate that they've "reviewed" the manuscript.

I just started to edit a book on the Middle East. In the preface, the AE inserted "Engyptian president Anwar El" before "Sadat."

Engypt: Isn't that where the Great Sphincter is?

Independence Day

I'm back to doing some freelance editing for the online media company. The pay's not great, but it adds to my nest egg. And in these increasingly tough times . . .

In the past 24 hours, I've encountered two self-plagiarizing writers; one double dipped, the other triple dipped. Each simply cut and pasted identical content into an article with a different but similar title.

Self-plagiarism is, of course, a cardinal sin and specifically discussed in several of the company's style guides.

Nevertheless, these two writers have taken the spirit of the Fourth to heart, perverted it, and declared independence from company and professional rules. The editorial team will quash their little rebellions.

Mediaocracy on the home front

Mediaocracy is variously defined, but generally means "the system of maintaining control over a nation by utilizing the media."

For me, that definition has been turned on its head. You see, media—storage media in particular—have taken control of my personal digital and computing world.

Editors, and others who create, manipulate, and store documents, rely on effective systems of document version control and content management systems (CMS). And so it is, or should be, with the hundreds of personal files consisting of my own writing as well as freelance editing work.

An effective CMS would, in effect, allow me to see the forest for the trees. Unfortunately, what once was a clear view of the forest has been obscured to the extreme by the trees that have taken root and cluttered up my file world.

Two factors have contributed to the chaos that now exists across my files: (1) the importance of backing up files, and (2) the advances in storage media, including hardware, software, and online storage. Well, actually, make that three factors, the third being an interest in exploring and testing out the preceding #2.

So, where exactly are my files, and their copies? Various files exist in the Documents folders on two computers (my PowerBook G4 and iMac G5), on two external hard drives (USB and Firewire), on four USB flash drives (ranging from 128MB to 8GB), online (at Google documents, Soonr and DropBox), within two software applications on my computers (Scrivener and Journler), and most recently on my iPhone (the Documents To Go app).

It's been said that folks who lived through the Great Depression developed a "Depression mentality" that governed their conservative and guarded approach to personal finance for the rest of their lives. A parallel exists for those of us who have lost valuable files and data stored on our computers.

But having said that, one might conclude from reading this, that there's a fine line between backing up files and OCD. One would not be far from the truth. HELP!

"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds . . ."

If Ralph Waldo Emerson had been around when I was hiring editors, he'd have been my guy; he got it.

I'm editing a book on professional hockey—seventeen chapters filled with countless references to the NHL and other professional and semi-pro hockey leagues.

I dare say there will not be a single reader who doesn't know what any of the league acronyms stands for.

So I have to remove my full-time job hat—the one that compels me to enforce the acronym rule (spell out first time in each section of a proposal)—and follow common sense. After all, to do otherwise would be detected out there in the space-time continuum and disturb Emerson.

Something's Gotta Give

The Time-Cost-Scope paradigm is simple and goes something like this:

In considering any kind of output (e.g., goods and services), there is an ideal equilibrium or balance among the inputs T, C, and S that results in the most efficient and effective way to achieve the desired output. If you alter any one of the three inputs, this changes the "weight" of the other two and creates an imbalance or disequilibrium.


For example, let's say it takes me one hour to do an in-depth edit of five pages of material for which I charge $35. If I rush through the material and complete my edit in a half hour, the quality suffers.

And this is exactly what happened with my online editing, freelance job. The rate of pay is $3.50 per article. So the only way I could make a reasonable per-hour wage was to race through articles, thus impacting the quality. This approach quickly becomes apparent to the copy chiefs, who scrupulously review and critique the work of the copy editors.

We occasionally need to consider how much our time is worth. It's hard to argue with the position that $7 an hour is better than zero. But is that hourly wage something that a self-respecting professional would accept?

As a friend and fellow editor put it, "Those folks are running a sweat shop!" I concurred, thanked my team leader for the opportunity, and told her that I was giving up the position.

Ivan's Scammer Syntax Software (version 3.2.1)

I recently decided to play along for a while (via email) with "Marina," a "Russian" scammer.

She had chosen me from the Internets, would soon leave her little village, travel to St. Petersburg, and finally join me here in the States.

One of her many increasingly intimate, revealing, and romantic emails included the following poem:

My voice for you both tender and languid
Disturbs later silence of night dark.
Near bed sad the candle burns mine;
My verses merge murmuring, flow, rivers love,
Flow are full you.
In darkness your eyes shine before with me,
To me smile, and sounds are heard by me:
My friend, my gentle friend. I Like .. Yours Yours!

In pinetions long hopeless,
In alarms of noisy vanity,
The voice gentle sounded to me long
Also lovely fig dreamed.
And heart beat in ecstasy,
And for it have revived again
And a deity, and inspiration,
Both life, and happiness, and love

The more I read this poem, the more I am convinced these scammers use a software program that is designed to convert good English writing into what you see above—a hodgepodge of grammar and syntax errors from the perspective of a variety of other languages. It's Word's grammar and spell check turned inside out. Brilliant.

Back to Marina. As the English poet Philip James Bailey (1816–1905) wrote, "Poets are all who love, who feel great truths, And tell them; and the truth of truths is love."

You gotta love a scammer who's a romantic. In my case, it was up to the point when Marina asked for my full name and phone number. No doubt an airfare request was forthcoming.

Here's Marina's between two of her friends; and don't they look Russian!


Final note: I did some research on the Russian-wife scam game and quickly discovered "Marina" identified on two alert sites under two different names and hometowns.

The Illiterati are taking over my office.

The Rookie (see entry immediately below) continues her relentless pursuit of endearing herself to anyone above her in the hierarchy. Here's another one of her needless (by any normal business standard) updates to the proposal center manager:

"Bud was able to download the Acrowizard successfully and will have 30 days to work with it and see if it is helpful and/or a tool he would most likely use.

"I will touch basis with you and Bud a few days before our trial period is over to see if it is something worth purchasing. Thanks!"

First, the "and/or": Using this construction doesn't make you appear to be a good writer. It's lazy writing and, in this case, it's not even correct. "Helpful and a tool" works, even though it's redundant. "Helpful or a tool" is a nonsensical pairing.

Second, "I will touch basis with you" . . . no comment needed.

Third, "Thanks!": Who here needs to be thanked, and emphatically to boot?

The concept of need-to-know is not part of her functional vocabulary.

We have a new temp-to-perm proposal coordinator who makes the Energizer Bunny seem catatonic. She flits around the office continuously, trying to make a good impression in more ways than I care to write about. Suffice to say she's overbearing, overreaching, and overly enthusiastic.

And she provides way too much information, most of it unnecessary. For example, I generally edit proposals after the third internal review, by the Gold Team. Their review is preceded first by the Pink Team, then by the Red Team.

The Rookie just came to me with another of her needless updates, this time to inform me that the Pink Team review date has been changed. Her update included the obvious fact that this change doesn't affect me.

One can only hope that she will burn out and get out of our collective hair.

Redundant and repetitive

From Amazon.com's review of the new Spinal Tap CD/DVD:

"Back From The Dead" is destined to be a collector's item, especially among collectors.

The Insolent Incumbent

I edited a Request for Information (RFI) yesterday for a federal contract for which my company is the incumbent. It's a multi-year contract, and the RFI is a formality; simply some mid-contract documentation to support the continuation of our work with the government client.

The resume section was a mess—several entirely blank "Summary of Experience" sections and numerous entries that I queried.

When the proposal coordinator released the edited files to the project manager for review, he told her that he didn't have time to look at the files. She told him the files had extensive edits visible with the "Track Changes" function on, and that there were queries that required his attention. He repeated that he wasn't going to review my work, and that it really didn't matter as we're the incumbent contractor.

This begs the question, Why even bother to send projects like this through Editing and Desktop Publishing?

The it's/its confusion has me in a snit!

The results are in, and this week's most-often corrected word is it's incorrectly used in place of its.

Coming in second was there/their, with the ever-popular assure/ensure just a hair behind in third.

The multiple offenses were in a proposal for Office of Management and Budget IT support. I'm starting to think that the geek writers whose work I review hacked their grade records for English and skipped those classes.

Subject-verb Manager-editor disagreement

The proposal center manager continues her unabated assault on the English language:

"Please let GVA know when the documents has been complete."

It's a miracle I don't get migraines.

Maruchan Instant Lunch Editor's Reflex

CAUTION: HOT! HANDLE WITH CARE ESPECIALLY WHEN SERVING CHILDREN

Thanks for the warning. I'll have my kid medium-well with risotto on the side.

Waterboarding, written edition

You might remember an email from one of my coworkers who wrote to the staff, "Sorry for the incontinence" (see 3/13/09, "Not everyone . . .").

Well, he's making a return appearance. Yesterday he sent me an email with this: "But [yours truly, Bud, has never been called this before] can you please edit this graphic, [you just asked a question; the comma's so wrong!] I will bring over the hard copy [the end; period goes here dumb-dumb]"

The illiteracy that surrounds me is the bane of my existence 40 hours a week.

What is it about "unavailable" that you don't understand?

Yesterday our new temp-to-perm proposal coordinator (who, incidentally, has more energy and enthusiasm than most of us can stand) sent out an update on where a few active proposal projects stand. In her email she mentioned that there might be some weekend work and asked us to let her know if we would not be available for any of the next several weekends.

I responded by telling her that I would not be available for weekend work in the foreseeable future. (Given that I have one foot out the door, I'm not giving them one extra minute of my time or effort.)

She responded, copying our MoronManager, by asking me to make sure to put that information on the group calendar, which I had already done.

This morning MM came to me with a hard copy of my email to the proposal coordinator in hand, with "I will not be available for weekend work in the foreseeable future" highlighted in bright orange.

MM asked me if I could elaborate on my message. "Sure. I'm busy and unavailable." She then asked me to put that on the group calendar. "I already did that." And I thought, "Why don't you look at the f**kin' thing, you dolt!"

Considering the notion that everything happens for a reason, I think I've come up with why I've had this god-awful job, for a year and a half now. It's so that as I soon ease into semi-retirement—that is, transition out of FT work (read: quit!) into several PT freelance jobs—I can look back at this job and not miss having a FT office job one tiny bit.

Hi. My name is Bud and I have a problem with illiterates.

There's a Seinfeld episode revolving around the fact that Jerry's Catholic dentist, Tim, has converted to Judaism. Tim immediately starts telling Jewish jokes. Jerry takes issue with Tim's conversion because he believes Tim converted just for the jokes.

He shares this with a priest, who asks him, "And you are offended by this as a Jew?" Jerry answers, "No, I'm offended by this as a comedian!"

Which brings me to real life.

My illiterate manager sent an email this morning alerting the team that she'd be out today. Me and one other person were omitted from her message, which a coworker passed along to me.

I sent her an email inquiring about the obvious omissions.

Here's her response, verbatim:

"Regardomg tje notice of me being out today. This was not done intentionally, since I was sending it through my blackberry and I did not get the spelling of everyone’s last name, I sent it to those that their email was in my inbox."

Putting aside the fact that she doesn't have all of our addresses on her BlackBerry, just look at that writing.

Does this offend me as a member of her staff? Sure. But it really offends me as an editor!

"As brooks make rivers, rivers run to seas." John Dryden

As I look toward retirement (later rather than sooner due to the market's hit to my nest egg), I only see retirement in the sense that I'll be collecting Social Security and be on Medicare. I don't plan to or want to stop editing.

To that end, I've been trying to line up several freelance editing positions. I've got the nonfiction book editing and online article editing jobs in place, and I've applied for a "title proofer" position with the company for whom I edit articles.

Another one or two freelance income streams and I'll be set. The confluence of these rivulets could turn into the river that finally carries me away from the horror of my soul-smothering FT job.

Busted!

Earlier today I edited and approved an excellent article (for my online editing job) entitled, "About PMP Certification."

I just opened up another article to edit: "Project Management Professional Certification Requirements." It was written by the same author as the above article and is virtually identical in content.

I sent an alert to my team leader and the editorial team. His file will now be reviewed to determine if he has previously self-plagiarized.

Self-plagiarism is, within the context of the company's structure and processes, easy to get away with. That is, there are hundreds of editors, thousands of writers, and a largely random system of populating each editor's article review queue (ten at a time).

Evidently the stars are not aligned in this writer's favor today.

And after our croissant, we'll smoke a Gitanes.

Describing the kind of person sought, the following was part of an ad on mediabistro.com for an editor position at a consumer magazine in northern Virginia.

You:
---like working on a close-knit team where you can learn every aspect of magazine publishing
---are overflowing with creative ideas
---thrive in a fun, fast-paced environment
---enjoy baked goods on Wednesday

Hard working, creative, fun types are a dime a dozen. I'll pass, thank you very much. Give me a Wednesday doughperson anytime.

I know that when I've done recruiting, I've always hired editors whose refined palate can appreciate the finest Wednesday-only specialties from my local patisserie.

In addition to that attribute, and perhaps even more important, is that they have the self-discipline to indulge in that guilty pleasure only on Wednesdays.

Wednesday's child is full of woe joie de vivre.

Zen

From one of our desktop publishers:

"I am going to be tomorrow morning by 9:30am."

She may be language challenged, but does it really matter if she can be one with time?

Less is less.

The following business item in radio news is ubiquitous: "The Dow was down 75 points today."

C'est tout. Fini. No context. Vacuum.

This is a completely useless piece of information without it's AWOL partner—where the Dow started or, at the very least, what percentage the move represents.

The goal of news reporting should not be to leave us wanting more.

The first cut is the deepest!

I just did my first "Reject" of a computer-related How To article in my freelance, online editing work.

I asked the writer a few simple questions and, BAM, she came back with an article twice the original length. In responding, she introduced roughly 12 items that IMHO required elaboration. Too bad, because the original was worth publishing if it incorporated the info I sought.

So long forest, hello trees.